Love is not a Choice
by MCMLXXXIV
Summary: A/U: Brittany has never been good at sitting still for very long and that's always gotten her into a world of trouble...sometimes there are even casualties but a step into a new dark world might have her figuring out what it was that caused her to lose the love of her life and how to get her back. D/s
1. Chapter 1:GirlsBoys

**A/N:Crazy prompt response! I haven't read many of these so I'm excited. Go mad with me?! Stole the idea from my fave ff writer, found a song I love and I'm writing to it! A if I copy your style just remember that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, okay? Good! :)  
**

* * *

**Girls/Girls/Boys (Panic! at the Disco)**

* * *

**Brittany's POV**

* * *

I pulled my cap over my eyes and rubbed my palms against what little material existed on my booty shorts.

Living in Boston all alone for the last few months has taught me some important things, like when to hold my opinions to myself and when to let them out.

I liked the freedom of letting my inner tough girl out when I returned to McKinley and gave all or nothing.

Now that finals are over and I am headed back to Lima for a few weeks before coming back for a summer session, I've been letting off steam in an underground club.

Back home you never really saw a girl who looked like me in this kind of place.

It was definitely illegal and sweaty and hot.

I watched, mesmerized by the way that people grinded against each other.

Wetness soaked my panties, reminding me of just how long it had been since I had gotten any kind of sexy times.

_"You just gonna to stand against that wall or you gonna join in?"_

A smile dazzled in front of my eyes and I couldn't help but smile back, she was gorgeous.

I think she may have been the first girl that I even felt that kind of attraction to since Santana.

That's a good sign...right?

* * *

Hours and a bunch of dizzy, sweet drinks later I was letting her drag me out onto the street.

_"What's your name?"_ I slurred as I blindly followed her.

_"Trish."_ She said or at least I think that's what she said.

_"I'mBrittneeee."_ I mumbled.

_"Yea, I know we covered this already."_ She said before shoving me up against a brick wall.

She bit my neck as she continued to dance against me.

_"Mmm okay."_

_"Where do you live?"_ She asked between kisses and touches.

_"School."_

_"Ugh."_ She was frustrated as she pulled me further down the dark alley.

I was pretty sure that it wasn't safe but my mind was jumbled with a bunch of fluff but all of that stuff disappeared once she slid her hand into my shorts.

My head collided with the wall as I gave myself over to the feeling of her hands and her mouth.

Moans, flashing lights, thudding, flying and pleasure.

That's all I felt before the blinding pain to the side of my face and then I blacked out.

* * *

I woke up feeling cold and sore, not knowing anything but that I was definitely not still in the alley.

_"Britt?"_ I tried to open my eyes but found that I couldn't and that made me freak out.

_"Mom?"_ I mumbled as I came out of my sleep feeling trapped and lost.

Her hands touched my arm and a pain shot through me.

_"Ow!"_ I said as I pulled back or at least, I tried to pull back, only my arm was too heavy to move.

_"Oh sweetie, don't move too much. Do you remember anything?"_

I tried to shake my head but I couldn't do that either.

Then I started sobbing and they couldn't calm me down until a doctor came and jabbed me with a needle.

Slowly my tears stopped and I felt my body start to droop.

Sleep was coming fast but I didn't want it too.

_"What happened?"_ I finally asked once the pain wasn't so bad.

_"You were mugged, they are calling this a hate crime...the girl you were um...with didn't make it. Internal bleeding, they say you are very lucky to be alive."_

_"Sh-she died?"_ I felt numb and stupid as I tried to remember anything past the smile of the girl and found that I couldn't even remember her name.

_"Yes."_

_"Why can't I see you?"_ I whined.

_"You were hit in the face with a beer bottle and then Trish threw herself over your body while you two were beaten. She took most of the attack and died saving you."_

So Trish was her name...at least I got that right.

_"Oh God, that's...terrible."_

Guilt filled me and I felt like I was going to cry even more.

What was worse is that I didn't even know the girl and so there was no way to really grieve her.

That's the last time I make out with a stranger, that's for sure.

* * *

_**Three weeks later...Summer Vacation  
**_

* * *

_"So I can't return for the first summer session? I only missed two classes."  
_

_"Brittany, your grades were spectacular for such a late arrival, that being said it is best that you come for the second session in July. Let your brain rest. A head injury can be made worse by such intense study."_

_"So you're not kicking me out? I can stay at M.I.T?"_

_"Oh definitely. Second session starts on July 9th. I will see you then."_

_"Thanks, Dr. C."_

_"Anytime, Brittany."_

* * *

I raced down the stairs and into the living room with my dance bag thrown over my shoulder only to be met by dad standing at the bottom looking at me with a worried frown._  
_

_"Did you get it settled?"_

I bopped up and down on the bottom step, full of energy and ready to go meet Mike who was home for the summer too.

_"I did, I go back in July. I hope that's okay?"_

_"Sure, you're an adult now and so I trust that you will be okay with me and your mom still taking our already planned two week vacation?"_

I nodded and then threw my arms around his neck.

Laughter filled the room as he swung me around like I was a little girl again.

_"Thanks, Pop."_

_"So did you need a ride to the studio?"_ He asked as he put me down again.

I nodded and then pushed my glasses back onto my nose, ever since the hospital my eyes were blurry and my head was hurting a lot. Now I was stuck in a big pair of glasses until my eyes heal enough to wear contacts.

Pop says that now I look nerdy enough to go to my school and I agree with him, I could be Artie's twin!

* * *

I stepped up to the window of my old dance studio just as Mike's class was ending, he had been hired to teach dance this summer and luckily, I managed to see a freestyle set.

There was a guy flipping and spinning around in the center of the floor with everyone cheering around him.

At first I thought it was Mike but then I saw him nodding along to the beat of the music and cheering the guy on.

Whoever this guy was, he was amazing, watching him reminded me of why I loved to dance so much.

The music finally cut and the room began to clear, so I decided to head inside the room.

Mike was talking to the guy that had been showing everyone up, I walked over, excited to see who this guy was and was surprised when I recognized him.

_"Hey Britt...look who's here."_

I stepped up beside Mike and was shocked to see Sebastian Warbler, smiling back at me, still catching his breath, covered in sweat.

_"I'm gonna go grab some waters. Brb."_ Mike said as he danced out of the room.

* * *

I stood there looking at Sebastian, feeling stupid.

What was I supposed to say?

My heart was racing...I don't know how else to describe it.

_"You're really good."_ I said hoping that my voice didn't sound too weird.

_"Thanks...you look different."_

_"Different good or different bad?"_

_"Good. You seem lighter without that black cloud hovering over your shoulder."_

_"What black cloud?"_ I asked feeling confused, was he talking about Santana or an actual black cloud?

He looked at me for a long moment and then just shrugged.

I guess he wasn't sure either.

_"I like your glasses...maybe that's what's different."_

I smiled like a dope and pointed to my face.

_"These old things? Thanks! I'm an official nerd now."_ I said as I grinned.

_"I've always had a thing for preps and nerds."_ He said with a wink, he was flirting and it made me nervous.

Mike threw his arm around me, snapping me out of this thing that was going on and then nudged Sebastian's shoulder.

_"Me and Britt were about to grab some lunch and then come back here to bust a move, you should join us, if you're not busy."_

I gulped as my heart raced.

_"Sure, sounds good."_

He smiled again and I almost died.

What did this mean?

Did it have to mean anything?

I told Sam that I missed my sweet lady kisses and I meant it but now I'm glancing at Sebastian and giggling to myself.

Maybe I could just love boys and girls...I'm a genius after all, how hard can it be?

* * *

_**A/N: Is it bad? Tell me what you think! Thanks!  
**_


	2. Chapter 2:The Worst

_**A/N: I haven't heard anything yet and that's okay...there are a million Brittana stories out there. I'm going to keep writing if you read or not...but if you are out there...give me a shout out. Onward!**_

* * *

**The Worst (Jhene Aiko)**

* * *

I felt sick to my stomach as I climbed the steps to my bedroom, apparently dancing after eating so many burritos, combined with the after effects of a concussion, was not a very good idea and so our jam session had to be cut short. Mike dropped me off at home and after trading numbers with Sebastian so that we could meet up later, if I was up to it, I waved goodbye.

My parents were already on the road to visit my Nana, so it was just me and the cats, thankfully. The last thing that I needed was them worrying over me again.

When I pushed my bedroom door open, I took one glance at the person sitting on my bed and immediately felt my stomach turn again. I dashed back towards the hall and just made the toilet seat before the rest of my lunch came back up.

My head hurt so bad and on top of that, now I was crying.

I rested my face against the cool tile of the floor after I was sure that I was done throwing up. Santana was the last person that I wanted to talk to right now, especially since I had just recently seen a picture of her newest girl toy.

I was way hotter, I told myself as I cried in my dorm room and now I was doing it again as I laid on the bathroom floor.

Why was she even here?

* * *

In the past, she would have come to check on me but even though I laid there for a really long time, she never came. I finally pushed myself off the floor, brushed my teeth and then trudged across the hallway.

My door was still open and she was still sitting there, hands clenched in her lap and a small smile on her lips.

_"Hey."_ She whispered. _"You okay, B?"_

I shrugged and leaned back against my desk...so that there was some space between us.

_"My stomach isn't happy today."_

_"Is there anything I can do to help?_

_"You can tell me why you're here...uninvited." _I snapped and her whole little smile that was irking me dropped immediately.

_"I uh...I'm home for a few weeks and I wanted to see you. I knocked on the front door and it was unlocked so I came right up."_

_"That's breaking and entering." _I said as I moved from the desk to my window seat that was almost behind her. She stood up and grabbed her purse, slinging it over her shoulder and continuing to frown.

_"It was really just entering but if you don't want me here...I'll just go. I'm sorry that I showed up like this. I guess it's just a habit." _

_"Yeah, a bad one."_ I said, feeling more and more irritated as I looked at her, imagining that girl all over her, kissing her, discovering my favorite places and the more that I thought about it, the angrier I got._ "But that's HER problem now."_ I snapped._  
_

I was behind her now and I was watching as she slowly moved towards the stairs but then my comment reached her ears and she whipped around and began marching back towards me.

_"Is that why you're being a bitch? Because of Dani? Well, twitter alert...we broke up and I was coming here to see you after I heard what happened, I was devastated. I swore I would never come back to Lima after Finn died but for you, I came but apparently you don't want to see me. I get it. So don't worry, Brittany, I won't bother you again. Enjoy your summer."_

* * *

I should have let her storm off but I couldn't stand to see her so upset. She had come here for me and I couldn't just treat her like crap. We had been in a good place when I left for school, I couldn't ruin that. So I reached out for her, took a hold of her arm and stopped her movement.

At that moment, my height advantage was just that, an advantage as I stepped between her and the steps and gave her shoulders a light shove until she was pressed against the wall. Her face was a mask of anger but I knew her, she couldn't hide from me.

I rubbed my hands up and down her arms, feeling bolder than usual as I watched all the confusion on her face.

_"I'm sorry." _I whispered and she turned from me, trapping her lip in her mouth as she tried to hold back the tears._ "Nothing can be the same, Santana. I still want you...I probably always will but that doesn't mean that you can act like nothing has changed. You can't just barge in here like you used to and expect me to be happy to see you."_

_"Why not?" _She whined like a five-year old.

_"You gave up that privilege. Things are like this because you wanted them this way...don't take it personal but I can't do this with you again. Not now."_

_"We're best friends, B."_

_"We're not." _I admitted as I thought of Mike and even Sam but definitely not her. We hadn't been best friends in years and she knew that better than anyone.

_"But...I...please, B...don't throw away us so easily." _She said, no longer caring about the wetness coming from her eyes.

This was me trying to gain closure, like my therapist at school told me to but even as I said it, I couldn't make myself believe it.

_"I don't mean to...and I never thought that I would have to but I know you. You're here and we will have sexy times and then I'll go back to Boston and you to New York and then there will be energy exchanges and rainbow haired waitresses. I don't want that. Not now, not ever. You say you love me most but it's a lie...and I know that now."_

_"So what...we just are done? That's it?" _She asked as she shook off my hands which had been still rubbing her. She was frustrated and I didn't blame her, it's how I felt when she blindsided me with a non-breakup.

_"Right now...yes. I'm patient. Maybe someday you will be ready for all of this." _I said as I gestured to myself and then brushed her tears away._ "Right now though...I don't need you in my life, making me fall in love with you all over again." _

_"What about proudly so? What about you loving me? Don't you love me, Britt?"_

_"Always." _

_"Then why can't we...you know...be who we have always been?"_

_"Because I'm not the same girl...you have left me so many times that I can't bear to see you run away again. I'm sorry but I have to protect my heart."_

I took a step back and crossed my arms over myself like she normally did as a defense mechanism. I felt super small but this talk had been in the works for months while I sat through therapy sessions. Mom had insisted that I find someone to talk to about all the things I had been through in the last year...someone that would give me good advice and now I was really thankful for those weekly sessions.

_"From me?"_

_"Especially from you."_

* * *

_**A/N: Brittana is my endgame...it just won't be so easy.** _


	3. Chapter 3:I Don't Know Why

**_A/N: I am fangirling over my fave ff writer...is that bad? She likes my story, she really likes it! :) I know, I'm a spaz! Deal with it.  
_**

* * *

**I Don't Know Why (Stevie Wonder)**

* * *

**_It was hazy in the warm thickness at the back of the club with the base pumping. My head was pounding along with the music as I heard her harsh breaths against my ear. She thrusted her fingers into me and I squirmed as she continued to fuck me. Her hands cooled the ache that was zipping through me and I was smiling as she chuckled against me. "Mmm, I missed you, B." Suddenly, I was looking at her, expecting to see Santana and she morphed into Trish...and then there was the pain to my face and the darkness. I heard her scream for me and then the sickly feeling of her blood dripping over my body. My body was broken but she was shattered above me, I tried to open my eyes and see her but I couldn't. More screams and sirens but I wasn't sure if they were mine. More blood, more screams, more pain._**

* * *

I sat up in bed, pajamas twisted up and sweat pouring from my body as I tried to catch my breath. I felt gross as I sat there, still catching my breath after my nightmare. It was still dark outside, just barely midnight and I knew that I wasn't going to be sleeping anymore tonight, so I just ended up stripping as I walked towards the bathroom to shower and hopefully feel good again.

The night terrors had been going on for the entire three weeks that I had been home and up until now, it had been clear that it was more of a memory but now, Santana's face was added in and I felt completely sick to my stomach.

My head was hurting so bad that I was tempted to call my mom, just to hear her tell me that I would be okay. She was the best nurse that I knew and if anyone could make me feel better it was definitely her but instead, I decided to go for a run. Maybe it seemed crazy but I knew that it would help me to clear the images out of my head.

The moment I stepped out onto the quiet streets, I took a deep breath, tucked my phone into my pocket and did a stretch, enjoying the silence of Lima. There was no traffic, no sirens, and absolutely nobody out walking the sidewalks, it was refreshing.

Back in Boston, one of the first things that I learned was that I couldn't just run any hour of night like I did back in Lima, I would get up and run up and down the stairwell wishing that I could go outside but knowing better. Being back home for the next few weeks, meant that I could do what I had always done, so I was going to take advantage of this as much as possible.

* * *

I had just finished running my usual route down North Cole Street and was about to turn onto Hazel so that I could run past Heritage Elementary, all while thinking about how things were before I met the love of my life. After our conversation earlier and her taking over my dreams, it was impossible to keep running with Santana plastered to the front of my mind. That's how I ended up hunched over in front of my old school, just a few feet from the playground, when my phone rang.

I was hoping that it would be her as I walked towards the yellow slide that had replaced the old metal one that used to burn my thighs each time that insisted on going down it.

My eyes were still misty from the tears and so I could barely see the screen when I answered.

_"Yea?"_ I sniffled.

_"Hey, Brittany?"_

The irony of that statement, reminded me of our shared dream in that hot dentist's office and I let out a bitter laugh.

_"Hi, Sebastian."_ I whispered as I sat on the base of the slide and stared down at my old converses thinking about how bad I must have sounded. _"What's up?"_

_"Did I wake you up?"_ He asked and I recognized the slight slur in his voice and the pounding of the music behind him.

_"No, I am out for a run. Are you drunk?"_

_"Um, a little...I know that I shouldn't be calling you so late. You were just on my mind and I thought why not call and check on you."_

_"Oh."_ I said, feeling warmth crawl across my skin._ "I'm better, a little sad but I'm better."_ I admitted.

_"Tell you what, Britt, how about you come pick me up and we can sit and talk about it. I'm great company, what do you say?"_

I didn't even stop to think about how I shouldn't be driving with the way that I was feeling, exhaustion creeping in after running for over an hour but I really didn't want to be alone and I knew that if I kept running, I would just end up on the edge of town at her door.

_"Where are you?"_

_"Ever heard of Landing Strip?"_

_"That's the strip club on Delphos...right?"_ If he had been anyone else, I knew that he would have asked how I knew about the strip club but thankfully, he didn't.

_"Yep."_

_"Meet me there...I'll be outside."_

* * *

Even though I had been running for an hour, I hadn't run very far from my neighborhood just in case another headache came on and I needed to go home in a hurry. As I climbed into my dad's old car, I was thankful that it wouldn't take me long to drive to Sebastian.

It had been awhile since I had driven around Lima but getting to the club only took me about five minutes. My head was starting to hurt and my nerves were on edge as I pulled up in front of the place. There were a lot of people standing around, my mind went back to that night and my nightmares, I locked the doors and I clutched my phone, prepared to call the cops if necessary.

There was a knock on the window and then Sebastian's face appeared but he wasn't alone.

I put down the window, afraid to unlock the door just yet because I really didn't know this guy all that well but he didn't seem to mind.

_"I found your dark cloud." _He said with a smirk. I looked behind him and immediately recognized the dark wavy hair behind him, she was holding a bloody ice pack to her lip and keeping her eyes down. What had she gotten herself into? Did I even want to know? She wasn't my problem, I was sure of that, I just knew that leaving her standing here wasn't the best idea.

I unlocked the doors and watched as he opened the back and pushed her until she slumped onto the seat before closing the door and coming to sit in the front with me.

I wanted to ask what was going on but then there was another car beeping from behind me.

_"Turn left, cross the tracks and make another left onto that little road over there." _

My body was on auto pilot as I listened to him direct me past a warehouse and into an underground garage. My mind went back to that parking garage and the way that he slushied Blaine...but he didn't have anything like that in his hands. He just had that same smile on his face.

_"Where are we going?"_ I asked him and he just stayed quiet until we got to the very bottom level.

_"Park." _He said before turning in his seat and looking at her._ "Get yourself together, Lopez. You started this, you were out of line and now you need to finish it." _

My head was going in circles as I looked between them, completely confused.

_"What's going on?"_ I asked as I parked behind a car that looked eerily similar to Maribel's station wagon._ "Is that your mom's car?"_ I asked her and she just looked through me and then over at Sebastian before pulling the ice pack from her lip.

_"Is it bad?"_ She asked him and I watched as he reached forward and turned her face. He made a hissing sound and then handed her his handkerchief.

_"You're going to need stitches for your lip but otherwise you should be fine. Come on...I'll walk you inside." _

_"She can't come in." _She said, briefly flicking her eyes towards me before looking back at him.

_"That's her decision, worry about how you are going to fix this instead. I shouldn't have had to chase you to that club. It was stupid and you know that there is only one way to fix this." _

She shrugged and then handed him the ice pack before wiping at the blood on her lip.

_"I get it, Ferret. Just keep her out of there." _She said before slipping out of the back seat and storming off, disappearing between the cars.

It was just after three in the morning and my head was pounding so hard, it was going to explode and now, just like in my dream she was bleeding. I should have just stayed in bed and turned my phone off.

Mom is right, nothing good happens after two in the morning.

* * *

He smiled at me again and then put his hand on mine when he saw that it was shaking.

_"Don't worry. I've got everything under control."_

_"I don't even know what you're talking about."_ I said as I stared at the last spot I saw her. _"What's going on, Sebastian?"_

_"She came into this underground club that I have been a bouncer at for the last few months and apparently she thought that she was extra tough because she's been in New York, and stupidly she picked a fight with the club owner's wife and now she's going to fix it. I'll make sure that nothing else happens to her. Okay?"_

I wanted to not care because it was stupid and she should have known better but I cared.

_"Do you need me to help? I know how to keep her calm."_

_"I don't think you get it...this isn't an ordinary club, Brittany. She's right, you should stay out of it."_

_"Why then, did you have me drive all the way over here if you could have walked her back?"_

_"Because...seeing you means that she can't ignore this. You have a power over her...you were a threat. I told her she had to come back and make things right or else and she called my bluff...asked me or else what and I said I would call you. She got all nervous and scared but then puffed up her chest and dared me."_

_"So you used me?"_

_"Kind of but I still really wanted to talk you through whatever thing is going on with you. I meant that."_

_"Did you?"_

_"At first it was a bluff but once I heard your sadness, I realized how selfish I was being. I did." _

_"Well I don't want to talk about it. Not after this."_

_"Because of her?" _He asked in disbelief.

_"She's part of the reason that I'm like this!" _I yelled and he actually looked at me in surprise. How could he not see that she was part of the problem.

_"I didn't realize that you were still hung up on her."_

_"I'm not hung up on her." _

_"If you say so...it's not what you're expecting. You could always wait, we can go to the diner and talk."_

_"No. __You know what, Fuck you both, I'm coming inside._"

_"Suit yourself, just be prepared, this isn't any ordinary club."_

_"You said that already but I know that all clubs are the same."_ I said as I climbed from my car and met him around the front.

_"You've been warned."_

_"Whatever." _I waved him off before following him up to a big black door. There she was huddled up against the wall, handkerchief to her face, looking pale as she waited for Sebastian.

Santana was freaked out but there was still a spark of anger in her eyes when she saw me.

_"Seriously?"_ She muttered and Sebastian just reached around her.

_"Deal with it, Lopez."_

Just as she was stepping inside, the anger left her and her whole posture went rigid.

There was fear in her eyes.

What the hell was I getting myself into?

* * *

**_A/N: I am beta-less and so forgive the errors. I will be back for them later today._ **


	4. Chapter 4:Ribs

**_A/N: On and on and on! :) Apparently, I should tell you that this has D/s themes even if it's not that extreme yet. You know now. So you were warned. Happy reading!_**

* * *

**Ribs (Lorde)**

* * *

We walked into a lobby that was painted black from ceiling to the floor and had red and purple lava lamps in the corners by a big leather couch. It was super quiet, with the exception of Sebastian and Santana arguing in front of me. She looked completely at her wits end and he seemed to be holding back some kind of frustration.

He was trying to get her to agree to something and she was refusing, he should know how stubborn she is, normally she got her way when she acted like this but he seemed to have the upper hand somehow.

Finally, she threw her hands up and looked back at me before looking at him and nodding. He smiled at her and then turned to me.

I didn't like the look in his eyes or the way that she seemed defeated as she walked across the room.

_"What are you up to?"_ I asked him when I could see her staring at me and then trying to hide it. She was now resting against another wall, hand on her hip and handkerchief yet again on her lip.

_"Look, your girl is in trouble." _

_"She's not my girl."_ I corrected but he just rolled his eyes.

_"You agreed to come in here, which means you play by the rules or you end up like her."_ He said nodding back to her and she just let out a huff and dropped her eyes again.

_"What are you talking about?"_

_"I don't know the whole story or how she even knew about this place. She started a fight with a powerful Dominatrix, which means that she will go in there and have to accept whatever punishment that she gets or face assault charges...right Lopez?"_ He said suddenly looking at her. She was still looking at the floor but nodded in agreement.

I didn't know much about what he was talking about but I definitely knew what a Dominatrix was after dating Sam. He looked all sweet and country but he was really into them. Almost from the first time that we had sex he had me dress up as one a few times. It turned him on when he would tell me how to direct him and punish him. No matter how much I listened to what he wanted, it seemed like something was missing and so I got frustrated and ended up researching it one day. I remember touching myself for hours after as I watched video after video, the more that I watched, the more I got into it. It was fun being in charge and if I was honest with myself, I missed it.

Knowing that Santana was apart of this world now, just made me feel things that I didn't want to anymore. Suddenly, I was craving the rush of hovering over her as she screamed out my name. I had been harsh with Sam and it was just pretending but this was very real, she had hurt someone and if she wanted to be somebody someday, getting arrested wasn't the way.

I knew that she needed away out of this and she wouldn't be able to do it on her own, knowing her, she would make it worse. Even though she broke my heart, I would do whatever I could to help her, even if that meant I had to follow the rules that she apparently didn't think were important when she assaulted someone.

* * *

_"So what does any of this have to do with me?"_

_"If she walks in there with you and they see she has a girl, that she's in trouble with you too, they might go easier on her."_

_"How do you know that?"_

_"Because, the impression that she gave was that she was some wild girl that needed to be trained to behave and trust me, Miss Jay will have no problem doing that. She will break Santana down until she feels like she learned her lesson."_

I looked up at Santana and saw her looking at me with the same teary eyed look that she had given me earlier and I knew that she had come here after I had basically kicked her out of my house. I knew that she was here looking for a fight because she needed to release her feelings but she had done it in the worst way possible.

_"Is that true, San?"_ I asked and she just shrugged and nodded at me.

_"Yea, B."_ She muttered past the handkerchief.

_"Do you want me to help you?"_ I asked, not wanting to step in to help if she was going to fight me on it like she had with Sebastian.

She looked reluctant but she nodded as the tears finally dropped.

_"Yes...I fucked up...just, please, B."_ She whispered.

I turned back to Sebastian, feeling a spark of excitement flash through me at the prospect of having the upper hand on my ex-love who had broken my heart.

_"Tell me what I have to do."_

* * *

I followed Sebastian down a dark hallway and could hear the sounds of whips and moans through closed doors. The deeper we got into the place, the louder the sounds got and the hotter I felt.

Santana's hand was clenched in mine and I could feel the shaking in her arm but I didn't let go. I had to appear in control and so I pulled a little harder than necessary to get her to stop shuffling her feet. She was now walking so close that she nearly collided with my back when we finally stopped walking.

When we got to the end of a hallway, there was a big double doorway and then a small one next to it.

Sebastian pointed to the big door.

_"That's the Showroom, we will probably end up in there for her punishment but I'm not sure yet." _Santana's hand squeezed mine tight as she peaked in through the small slit of window and then looked at me in fear.

_"Fuck." _She muttered. _"This is bad." _

_"No_ _shit."_ I chuckled because I wasn't able to hold back my astonishment at just how ridiculous she sounded.

I wasn't sure what she saw in that room but it was obviously enough to make her regret whatever she had done.

Sebastian knocked on the side door and it opened immediately, a tall blonde with blue eyes stood there and looked at Sebastian and then me before seeing Santana who I felt trying to hide behind me.

_"Hi, Miss Jay, I did what you asked."_

_"You found her, I see. Good job, Sebby." _She said to him in a thick accent that I didn't recognize. He nodded and then stepped to the side, I took that opportunity to step closer with Santana's hand still firmly in mine. .

_"She went running to her Miss, to confess her mistake."_

I watched her face change as our eyes met and I could see in her face a reflection of my own. Santana had definitely selected her on her looks and not her status. Miss Jay had a bit of a black eye and I wondered if that was meant for me. The anger that I was supposed to be faking was now very real as I looked back at Santana.

She dropped her head but I reached out and lifted her chin.

_"Did you pick her because she looks like me?" _My voice was stern and agitated because I wasn't acting.

Her brown eyes looked up at me in shock, then filled with guilt and I knew that she was prepared to lie but then I raised my eyebrow like I had learned from her and she nodded.

_"Yes." _

_"Did it make you feel better?"_ I asked, not caring that we had an audience.

_"No."_ She said with a shrug.

_"Do you think that need to fix this." _

_"Yes, I was out of line." _She whispered.

_"Are you willing to accept a punishment?"_

_"Yes." _

_"Good girl."_ I said before pulling her to stand in front of me._ "You had no business bringing Miss Jay into what happened between us and now that you did, you will deal with whatever she asks of you and be grateful that she isn't pressing charges." _

_"Yes, Miss." _She said clearly and I felt a jolt of heat rush to my core. This was turning me on, so fucking much.

Sebastian looked at me in surprise and his smirk returned.

What he had hoped would get her out of this screwed up situation was actually proving to be more than an act.

He could see that I wanted this.

* * *

Sebastian had been right, his boss had been planning to tear Santana to shreds if they had seen her again and they were planning to press charges but by me showing up, looking pissed they decided to leave the majority of her punishment to me at a time that I saw fit but I still insisted that Santana learn her lesson just to clear the air.

I watched as they led her into the Showroom and made her strip.

She looked at me with a small smile as she neatly folded her clothes and placed them in my hands. I was amazed at how well she was selling this whole submitting to me thing. Did she feel like this was real too?

I sat next to Sebastian and his boss in the risers that lined the center stage that had a big X on it that a leather horse looking thing next to it.

_"Which one do you think she'll use?"_ I asked Sebastian and he pointed towards the horse.

_"The St. Andrews Cross is more personal, if you were doing this then that would be for you but since its not you giving the punishment but you are here, the spanking bench most likely."_ I nodded as I soaked in this bit of information.

I could tell that everyone had been counting on the bench but then the tables were turned and Miss Jay decided that she was hurting pretty bad. She grabbed Santana's upper arm and led her to the cross. Even Santana, sucked in a breath and glanced back at me in shock. I just nodded at her and then turned towards Sebastian.

_"Should I object?"_ I whispered, even though I felt like Santana fucked up all on her own and what she got was on her.

_"Only if you want to. You set the limits. You said she could do whatever she wanted. Remember?"_

I nodded and watched as Miss Jay cuffed Santana to the contraption.

My head was spinning as I tried to figure out just how I had ended up here.

* * *

I was sitting there clutching her clothes as she rested against the giant X quietly. I could tell by the movement of her back that she was taking deep breaths and probably trying to talk herself down from a panic attack. It had been almost a year since I had seen her naked, so I couldn't help but to examine everything about her.

There were some scars on her back that hadn't been there before and a new tattoo that sat on her hip, it was really pretty cursive and I mentally reminded myself to get a closer look later.

_"Brittany?"_ I looked over at Sebastian and saw him pointing at the stage. _"Miss Jay wants you up there."_

I swallowed hard as I put Santana's clothes on my chair before moving up to stand beside Miss Jay.

_"Is everything alright?"_ I asked, making sure to keep eye contact with her like Sebastian had told me to because only a submissive would look away from someone her and I wasn't supposed to be one of those.

_"Since she is yours, I wanted you to be up here to make sure that I don't overstep. I generally never do but my emotions might get away from me with this one. You understand how it is." _I nodded with a smirk, because even if I had never been in this kind of position over Santana, I knew exactly how infuriating she could be._ "Good, so I was thinking a whipping, lets say, fifteen lashes." _

_"Let's make that twenty, so that she really understands just how much she has overstepped."_ I said and I watched from the corner of my eye how Santana's body got extra stiff._ "I'll take the last five."_ I said and Miss Jay seemed impressed.

I put my hand onto Santana's shoulder, _"Breathe, S."_ and I waited for her to slump against the cross before I stepped away.

The last few lashes had been on a whim but it seemed like the right thing to do, if Santana had wronged me by coming here and acting out...then I had to sell this thing. Right? Besides...the twentieth meant a lot to me, it was our anniversary and it was also the day that she came to McKinley and crushed my world. Twenty was a sound number and after tonight, she would never forget it.

I told myself, during the entire fifteen lashes that snapped harshly against her back that it was all for show but by the time the fifteenth lash was delivered and she hadn't made a sound, my hands were itching to get a hold of that whip.

Maybe it was the after effects of the concussion still, but I was pretty sure that I was possessed.

I took the whip from Miss Jay and delighted in the warmth of the handle.

_"Again, I apologize for tonight, it won't happen again."_

She nodded.

_"All is forgiven, you just make sure that she doesn't come back here without you."_

I nodded and then turned towards Santana, well aware that Miss Jay was still somewhere to the left of me, ready to observe.

* * *

I took a moment to observe Santana's back before I made another move. There were red strips crisscrossing her tiny frame, including the bruise that she must have gotten earlier. I would be sure to avoid that part of her, because I wanted her to learn a lesson but I didn't want to push too far past her limits.

She shivered as she held back the urge to cry, in fact her silence during the first fifteen lashes had made me feel unsatisfied.

Luckily for me, I had practice at this kind of thing. I had paddled Sam more than once and after being with Santana for so long, I knew how to distract her enough to make her let out everything that she was holding in. She had broken my heart, then earlier she acted like it was no big deal.

Even if we never spoke again after this, she would understand that I'm not the same girl that she broke up with. I had changed and so had she.

If she wanted me back then we had to both realize that it wouldn't be as simple as being who we used to be and doing what we used to do.

Plain and simple.

* * *

I walked closer to her until I was able to see her face, there was dried blood across her chin and she had her eyes closed.

_"Look at me."_ Her eyes snapped open and she looked at me with an expression that I had never seen before. _"Are you okay?"_ She nodded. _"Do you understand how fucked up this night was all because of your actions?"_ She nodded. _"Tell me why you are about to get an additional five lashes. Loud enough for them to hear you."_ I said as I pointed behind me.

She looked me straight in the eyes and I could tell that she was being 100% sincere, for her this wasn't an act, not anymore.

_"I took out my anger with you on someone else instead of talking to you about it. I was selfish about my own needs instead of thinking about yours. I made a decision for the both of us without letting you have a decision, just like before. This time, I crossed a line, I disappointed you and I deserve to be punished. I need to earn your forgiveness."_

There was so much truth in her words, our breakup was her decision, I had no say, she had been selfish in her needs and I knew that she felt guilty. I could see it more now than before when she had up her walls. This time was no different, with the exception of bringing another person into the mix.

_"You accept your punishment?"_ I asked.

_"Yes, Miss."_ She said and for the second time, I felt that jolt of electricity. I pressed my hand to her cheek and then leaned forward and kissed her face, just barely grazing her lips.

_"Then count them for me, love, so that we can put this behind us."_

_"Yes, Miss."_ She said and this time there was a smirk on her face and a sparkle in her eye, she had seen what that one word did to me and she was letting me know that she knew.

There had already been a shift between us and it was unbelievable.

* * *

**_A/N: Halfway through the next chapter so that should be up tomorrow._ **


	5. Chapter 5:Heartlines

**Heartlines (Florence + The Machine)**

* * *

I pressed my hand to the small of her back and felt her shudder beneath me. God, how I wanted her but I knew that this wasn't about sex, it was about something else entirely.

My headache was gone, the ache in my chest vanished and for the first time in a long time, I felt alive.

I stepped back behind the chalk line that was drawn across the floor and admired her one second longer. I licked my lips and bit back a moan.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, envisioning the day that she broke my heart and sent the whip whizzing through the air. The sound of cracking against her flesh met my ears and I couldn't help but feel some sort of vindication.

_"One, Miss."_ She said loud and clear with a waiver to her voice and I knew that tears were next.

I could feel their eyes on us but I didn't look at anyone but her. She was strong enough for this, I knew that for sure but that didn't mean that I would allow anyone to gloat. I wanted this over as soon as possible.

The whip cut through the air again and landed parallel to the one before it.

_"Mmmm...Two! Miss!"_ She cried out and that's when the first sob came. There was this collective intake of breath from the room and I knew they were wondering the same thing that I was.

How had she been able to take fifteen without a sound but after two from me she was in tears?

She was mine was the only thing that made sense. That hadn't changed and now not only did Santana know it, but so did everyone else. I gave her a moment to let the tears out and then just as she was about to take another breath, I whipped harder than the first two and landed in the center of the two lines.

Her back bent and she yelped before breaking out into more sobs.

I waited for her count but I knew that she was overwhelmed and so I stepped close to her, just enough so that she could see me.

_"I...I..."_ She stuttered and I shook my head.

_"Breathe."_ I said, knowing that this was a big deal for her and she needed a moment to collect herself.

_"Three."_ She said softly. _"Miss."_ She whimpered before taking a deep, shuddering breath.

_"Two more. Okay?"_ I said, even though she didn't really have a choice anymore. She stuck out her chin and then nodded.

_"Yes, Miss."_

* * *

The leather bit into my hand as I stepped back to the line. I was quickly falling in love with the sound of the crack halfway through the air, breaking the sound barrier before stealing her breath away.

_"Four, Miss!" _She whimpered and before she could take a proper breath I was already whipping through the air again. _"Mmmmfhhh, five, Miss!"_

_"Good girl, I'm proud of you." _

She slumped forward and mumbled some more before she closed her eyes and tried to take deeper breaths without fear that they would be taken away in the next moment.

I felt so much pride when she took the last two with a straight back and only shudders as she continued to cry. She didn't hold back the sounds but even her tears seemed to be calmer.

_"Thank you, Miss."_ She breathed out after she was sure it was over. I couldn't help my smile as I handed the whip back to Miss Jay.

She nodded to me and then took her husband's hand and left the room. I glanced behind me and saw that Sebastian had left as well, thankfully we were finally alone.

* * *

I walked towards the chair and picked up her clothes before returning to the cross. She still had her eyes closed and was taking shallow breaths as the tears continued to soak her face.

Knowing that she still needed time, I unstrapped her ankles and left her feet to touch the floor. She was on her toes but still hadn't opened her eyes. I pulled her socks from her shoes and slid them onto her feet before reaching for her usual lacy panties and pulling them slowly up her legs. She hissed as I grazed her ass but still her eyes didn't open.

I made quick work of her jeans and then her shoes, knowing that this next part would be the hardest. I folded her bra and tucked it in my pocket, not wanting to hurt her back anymore.

_"Open your eyes."_ I whispered against her face as I leaned over her, trying my best not to accidentally touch her back. Her eyes snapped open and didn't close again as I unstrapped her waist and then her wrists.

Even though I released her, she stood there, staring off and facing away from me. She was like a zombie and it made me angry but I swallowed it. She was vulnerable and her walls were down, she was falling into herself and that was dangerous for her.

I stepped in front of her, with her shirt balled in my hand and lifted up her chin. Our eyes met but I could tell that she wasn't seeing me.

_"Santana?"_

_"Miss?" _She said back and then her eyes cleared and she gave me a shy smile. This wasn't a game, she was still serious, still submissive and I wasn't fighting that.

_"Lift your arms for me."_

She groaned as she lifted her arms again but she didn't argue. I slipped the shirt over her head and then held my hand out to her.

No words were needed as we walked from that room and out the door with her hand tightly clutching mine.

Some things just make sense and for us it was that, right then, we were one again.

* * *

When we got to the parking lot, Sebastian was sitting behind the wheel of my dad's car and revved up the engine when he saw us. I turned to Santana and saw that she was holding out Maribel's keys to me.

_"Do you mind if I lay in the backseat? Driving seems like a bit much at the moment." _She laughed dryly.

_"Okay."_

_"Thanks."_

I buckled myself in and waited for her to get situated in the back before following Sebastian back out of the warehouse.

The sun was already coming up and suddenly, I was glad that my parents weren't home. How could I explain where I had been all night?

_"Are your parents home?"_ I asked, knowing that her parents would start asking questions the moment that they saw her.

_"Yea, told them I was coming home and so they took a full two weeks off of work. This week in Lima and then next week they wanted to visit family in Columbus but I don't think I'm going to do that since it involves Abuela."_ She said through a yawn.

_"Do you want to come back to mine?"_ I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

_"If that's alright." _She said with a small voice.

_"It is." _

_"Okay then."_

* * *

We didn't speak much after that. Once we pulled up to the house, I waved Sebastian on and told him that we would pick up the car later. Really, I just wanted to spend some time with Santana and dealing with him anymore than we already had, was too much. The moment that he was gone, she looked over at me and held her hand out to me.

_"Bed?"_ She asked and I looked at her hand for a long moment before letting it hang there. I didn't want her to think that this was an invitation for her to sleep with me. _"Just to sleep, B...I just...I don't want to be alone right now, if that's okay?"_ She was still feeling vulnerable and she had taken her punishment like a champ.

_"Okay...no kisses either. Just sleep."_ I repeated and she nodded.

_"Yes, Miss. Just sleep."_ She yawned as she followed behind me towards the front porch. I hadn't taken her hand but that didn't mean that I had walked ahead of her. If she slowed down, then so did I and not until we were in my bedroom did I actually move past her.

I hadn't overlooked her calling me Miss again, this time it seemed that she had done it more out of a quickly formed habit than intentionally. Right then, I didn't know how to take all of the stuff that had just happened and I felt like it was too soon to discuss it with her. I pulled the covers down on my bed and took the top blanket off. She looked at me worryingly but I just tossed it to the floor and then began to strip.

_"Your body is too hot for the big blanket."_ I said without looking at her as she undressed.

_"Wanky."_ She chuckled and I couldn't help but to smile. I dug through the dresser and pulled out a long t-shirt for her and some shorts for me.

After we got dressed, I pulled the blinds closed and then climbed into the bed, not expecting to fall asleep.

The night terrors and nap terrors were something that I had come to expect and even with her laying next to me, I was sure that nothing would change that.

* * *

At first I thought I was dreaming but then I heard her whispers along with her tears and I knew that I was awake. I knew that she was on the phone and I was pretty sure that she was attempting to be quiet and failing miserably.

_"I told you already, what more do you want from me? I can't be like you okay. You are just so good at being you. So good at being at ease with who you are. I'm a bitch, Dani, I'm always in control. I don't want to accept this submissive shit!"_ She grumbled and I couldn't help but to think about how easily she submitted to me just a few hours before. _"How did you find out about what I did?"_ She paused and I could hear her soft footsteps come close to me and then she was hovering and I knew she was checking to see if I was still sleeping. I must have convinced her because she walked away again._ "So you want me to believe that you just happened to see the whole thing on YouTube? Who told you?"_ More silence and then I heard a thud and curses as Lord Tubbington hissed from across the room. _"Well, I got punished...yes willingly! That doesn't prove your point! Fuck you, Dani!"_ She said before slamming her phone down and letting out a whimper.

I wanted to pretend to still be sleeping but just as well as I knew her, she knew me. I felt her hand caress the side of my face and then she kissed my lips. My eyes shot open as I pulled back.

_"No kisses."_ I muttered.

_"Just wanted to prove that you were awake. I did that a hundred times when you were really sleeping and you just kissed me back."_ She chuckled as she sat on the edge of the bed beside me. _"Sorry, I woke you."_

_"Did you really kiss me while I was sleeping?"_

_"Yea."_ She was nervous all of a sudden. _"You started crying and calling out to me and so I held you. You would fall back asleep and if I let you go, you would start again and so I sang to you and kissed you until you were snoring. I tried letting you go at least six times and then I gave in and just held you until Dani called."_

_"The dreams haven't really stopped. It's like this every night."_

_"Do you want to talk about it? I know that yesterday, I kind of just showed up without letting you know I was coming and it made you feel violated. I'm sorry about that and I know you said that we're not best friends anymore but I'm still here for you." _

I looked into her eyes as she tightly folded her hands like she used to do in the beginning when she was holding back from touching me. I sat up and pulled blanket around me so that I could look at her properly and that little bit of time, I decided that this was a good enough time to talk about what was really bothering me.

* * *

_"How did you end up into...that?" _I asked, not sure what to call last night.

She sighed and nodded in understanding, I didn't owe her any explanation but she definitely owed me one.

_"Do you think that maybe I can shower first?" _She was stalling, she had been up before me which meant she had already had time to shower.

_"No. That can wait." _

It was rare that I stood my ground with Santana, I had only done it a few times before now and she always caved but it still made me nervous to do it but after I had delivered those lashes to her back, a new sense of power and confidence filled me. There was no rejection for me anymore, I had the upper hand because she allowed it and so I wasn't going to let her get over on me again unless I agreed with it.

_"Fine. You're right. I owe you an explanation." _

_"Go for it."_ I said as I stared her in the eye.

_"When I met Dani, it immediately made me nervous and just completely unsure of myself. Something about her just oozed confidence like I had never seen before or again until you last night. It does something for me, I guess. She picked up on this 'submissive' thing."_ She said with air quotes and I smiled. It wasn't just a thing, it was a fact but I wasn't going to interrupt. _"She told me how she had gotten into this world of dominance and submission thanks to an ex girlfriend of hers and that I would be perfect for her. She was the dominant to my submissive or so she said, I tried but it became too much so I ended things. You know me, B...I don't know how to do the whole submitting thing."_ She went to continue but I fell back and began to let out a huge laugh.

Tears burned my eyes and my hands gripped my stomach as I shook so hard from the force of my laughter. It took me a few minutes before I was finally able to compose myself enough to look at her. She was glaring at me with her arms across her chest but she never said a word.

_"After the way that you were last night, seeing you taking direction so well and how easy it was for you to give into me, I find it hard to believe that you don't know how to do the whole submitting thing. You're a natural."_

She rolled her eyes so hard that I wasn't surprised that there were tears when she was looking back at me. Through all of this, I had kept my hands to myself but I couldn't help but to reach forward to cup her cheek and just like that, she melted at my touch.

_"So are you."_ She whispered back at me.

I couldn't help my smile at her words.

_"You think so?"_

_"I do. I couldn't...bring myself to submit to Dani or Miss Jay, to me that meant that Dani was wrong about me being submissive but then you did what you did last night..."_ She let out a sarcastic laugh before pressing the heels of her palms to her eyes.

Even all puffy looking with a swollen lip that was crusted over with blood, she was still the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen.

_"You're mine and I'm yours. Even while we broke up, you admitted it. I'm the best thing for you, you love me the most. You ran away from me."_ I said matter of fact before pulling her shaking hands into mine, she looked at me with wide eyes when I brought them to my lips and kissed them._ "You know you need me. Admit it Santana..."_

_"I-I'm afraid to." _

At least she was honest.

_"What are you afraid of?"_

_"That you'll reject me, I guess which is stupid because last night was the best time for that and you stepped up and did what I needed and gave me a peace that I hadn't felt before." _She blurted out and then she blushed and dropped her head.

_"Hey." _I said and she looked at me with her busted lip tucked in her mouth._ "I have never not wanted you. You know that. You ended this and I let you. I'm scared of rejection too."  
_

_"I could never reject you again, B." _

_"What do you need, Santana?"_

_"You. That's all I need."_


	6. Chapter 6:Shock To Your System

_**A/N: Jumping right in. Thank you so much for all the love, I was so anxious to post this. Now though, I'm feeling bold! Yay! **_

* * *

**Shock To Your System (Tegan and Sara)**

* * *

After I got her to admit that she needed me, I sent her to take her precious shower. I needed that time alone and I couldn't seem to get my mind together with her right in front of me, with her lip starting to bruise and her eyes searching mine for some kind of validation that I wasn't sure that I could give her just yet. It was still early but I couldn't be still, I needed to figure things out and I knew that I needed help.

_"Morning!"_ Sebastian said as he took shallow breaths.

_"Hey, it's Brittany, am I interrupting anything?"_

_"Turnabout is fair play, you caught me on a run. What's up?"_ I could practically hear his smile through the phone and it actually didn't annoy me like I thought it would.

_"I wanted to know if you could pick me up and then maybe I could drive you back home. I need to talk to someone and you seem like the best person."_

_"Ok, sure. Give me like an hour and I'll be there. That alright?"_

_"Perfect." _

_"Great, See you then, Brittany!" _

Just knowing that I would get to talk to Sebastian about what any of this meant, gave me the confidence to walk across the hall and climb in the shower with Santana.

She yelped when the curtain slid open, and I was able to get a clear view of her back.

There were red welts on her skin, that made me melt. Should seeing her like this turn me on?

Was I broken?

Nah, I was pretty sure, just from the way that her wetness soaked my leg when I shoved my knee between her thighs, that we were anything but broken.

* * *

_"So, we have been driving for about fifteen minutes now and I would have thought that you would have said something about you and Santana by now. I mean, isn't that why you are going through all this trouble?"_

The thing that I loved and hated about Sebastian was how blunt he was when it came to just about everything in life.

I took a moment to think about how sad Santana looked when I sent her home. She wanted to stay and talk about us but I told her that when I thought the time was right, that I would call her. I thought that she would fight me on it but she just nodded and slunk out of the door like a five-year old.

_"I enjoyed it."_

_"Enjoyed what, exactly?"_

_"When I walked in there with you, I wasn't sure what I was walking into but then I got that whip in my hand and I saw the way that she was just there in front of me, making me want her. Then, I got to touch her and then bring her home with me. Before last night, I was pretty sure that we were done but now, I don't think I can let her go so easily."_

_"So what do you want to do?"_

_"I want to be her Miss. I just...I don't know what that means and I don't think that I can be that if I don't really know where to start." _

_"Sounds like you need to talk to Miss Jay." _

_"You think so?"_

_"Absolutely, I'm texting her right now and asking her to meet you at the Lima Bean." _

_"Yea?"_

_"Knowing her, she's probably expecting it."_

_"What makes you say that?"_

_"There was just a connection between the two of you last night, it was like you and Santana were in this trance. It was like watching destiny or something."_

* * *

When I got to the Lima Bean, Miss Jay was sitting in a booth with a little girl next to her eating a cookie. Just from their closeness, I could tell that either she was a very dedicated babysitter or she was a mom.

_"Brittany!"_ She said excitedly and then the kid clapped her hands and waved at me.

_"Hi, Miss Jay." _She frowned but I just kept smiling._ "Is this your daughter?"_

_"Yes! Believe it or not, her name is Brittany just like you." _

_"Oh that's awesome!" _

_"You can call me Jade by the way." _

_"I was just wondering that...actually."_

_"I figured. So what's up?"_

_"Is it going to be okay to talk about these kinds of things in front of her?" _

_"She's the child of a Dominatrix, she's going to grow up with her parents running a sex club, to her it will be nothing. Besides, she's only two...right Brittz...you're two?" _Little Britt held up two fingers and smiled at me with her big blue eyes. _"What a smart girl your are, just like your Mama."_

_"Okay, if you say so."_

_"I do. So Brittany, you liked punishing Santana last night and you wanted to talk to me about what happens next, right?"_

_"Um...yea...yes actually."_

_"I knew it was your first time, I could tell that all that talk was bullshit but I went along with it. I normally wouldn't even be that pissed about something like that but I had just found out that I'm pregnant again and well, my husband wanted to punish her himself. Thus her busted lip and sore ribs, he went after her and Sebastian saved her ass. Twice!" _

_"Wow, I'm really sorry about that." _

She smiled at me and then reached across the table took my hand in hers.

_"The beauty of this lifestyle and believe me if this is something you decide to become a part of, it becomes your life, is that once a punishment is given the slate is wiped clean. Santana and I are good. I'm not angry with her but I did mean what I said, for her own good she shouldn't be in the club alone again. If my husband sees her alone or one of the other Dommes...they might just push her enough to get her to act out. They might even try to provoke her just to get some kind of justice. For me it was a clean slate but she disrespected every Domme in that club with her conduct, especially my husband."_

_"And so with me, they won't mess with her?"_

_"She's yours...at least that's what you told me and if that's true or will be true at some point, they will be respectful because she is with you. They will see that she's been claimed, tamed and trained on how to properly treat a Domme. That make sense?" _

_"It does."_

* * *

Before we parted ways, Jade gave me a few sites to check out and a book to look through before I talked to Santana again. Apparently, to succeed in this lifestyle, it was good to be like an apprentice to another Domme. She even offered to help me find someone in Boston if I wanted to but for some reason, she was the only person that I trusted.

I decided that it was something that I would take seriously, only if Santana was interested in being with me because in the same way that she couldn't see herself submitting to anyone else, I was pretty sure that I didn't want anyone else submitting to me but her. That of course didn't mean that Jade wasn't willing to at least show me some pointers just in case, which I was super grateful for.

These last few hours with Santana suddenly back in my life had given me a lot to think about and there was only one way that I could really deal with anything heavy on my mind.

Dancing.

I got home and turned on the stereo really loud before dancing around the house, cleaning as I went along, because I thought that would be an awesome surprise for my parents when they got home.

Being away from home had definitely made me appreciate everything that they have always done for me, I missed them and I wanted to be the reason that they smiled.

* * *

The house was clean, I had eaten, researched and showered but my mind still wouldn't shut off. I had been avoiding my phone for hours because I wasn't really ready to talk to Santana but then I started to get lonely and restless. All that I wanted at that moment was her face looking back at me and her hands on my body. Even though she said I cried out in my sleep, I still felt like it was the best sleep that I had for a long while.

Would I be pushing boundaries if I asked her to come over?

Did we have a set of rules to live by?

Was that my job, to create them?

And then finally, I just gave in.

**_10:10p.m. We need to talk. Come over. Bring a toothbrush. :) -Brittany_**

Her response was immediate and gave me chills. Just from her two word response, I knew that I would be calling Jade in the morning so that I could figure out how to do this right.

**_10:10p.m. Yes, Miss. ;) -Santana_**

Because for Santana, I would do anything and if I got some enjoyment out of it in the process because I was way too lonely these days, that wouldn't be so bad, right?

* * *

**_A/N: This was a fun chapter to write._ **


	7. Chapter 7:Glory and Gore

**Glory and Gore (Lorde)**

* * *

The sites all said basically said the same things and the book, well that had me wanting to make being a Dominatrix my life's goal. Everything about it just seemed so my speed and that's when I realized that this was something that could be a part of my life, whether Santana agreed right now or not.

The time that it took to get from her parent's house to mine was exactly fifteen minutes by car, an hour walking and ten minutes running. So the moment that I sent off my final text to Santana, I went into the kitchen and put cookies in the oven while I made a very important phone call.

If I was going to do this, then I was going to do everything right, it seemed like this was something that Santana needed and if I could provide that for her, then maybe we could be together again.

_"Brittany! What's up?"_ Jade said immediately and I felt some of my nerves leave me. Something about her reassured my doubts.

_"I want you to train me."_

_"Like partially or fully? I need to know exactly what kind of contract we are drawing up, Britt."_

_"Fully, I don't need to go back for my second summer session, it's an optional thing. I can stay in Lima until August if necessary but I don't think that I could handle learning from anyone but you."_

_"If you're sure about this...then I think it would be fun."_

_"Yea?"_

_"Yup, training another Domme is much easier than training a submissive, especially someone like you. You're a natural at this. Trust me."_

_"Yea? So you'll do it?"_

_"Yup."_

_"Thank you so much, you won't regret it."_

_"I'm sure I won't...oh and Brittany?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"I need you to do something for me."_

_"Anything."_

* * *

When San got to the house, I was in the process of putting on my jacket. She knocked and I stepped onto the porch with a huge grin. She smiled back at me with a bag thrown over her shoulder.

_"Hey San." _I kissed her cheek and took her bag from her hands, threw it over my shoulder before grabbing my own bag. I grabbed the door knob and pulled the door closed, keeping my back from her for a second, needing a moment to get my head together before I finally turning around.

She stood there staring at me up and down while looking completely confused.

_"Are we going somewhere, B?"_

_"It's a beautiful night for a walk, don't you think?"_

_"It's actually starting to rain a bit._

_"So the car then?"_

She nodded and then slipped her hand into mine.

_"Yea, definitely the car."_

I climbed into the passenger seat of my dad's car and handed her the keys.

For some reason, I was still so stuck on what Jade had asked of me that I just needed to not be driving, which is why I suggested that we walk, but this was okay too.

* * *

We pulled out of the driveway and I saw that San had her lip between her teeth as she squinted at the road.

_"Can you not see?"_

_"I left my contacts in New York."_

_"Where are your glasses, Santana?"_

_"In my bag."_

I reached into the bag and my fingers brushed something cold as I wrapped my fingers around the glasses. I handed over her glasses, waited for her to put them on and then stuck my hand back into her bag and was beyond shocked when I found a set of handcuffs.

Is that what she thought would happen tonight?

I pulled them out and held them out in front of me.

_"Since when have you liked handcuffs?"_

She looked at me in shock and then shrugged.

_"They were a gift."_

_"From Dani?"_

_"Yea."_

_"And you wanted me to use them on you?"_

_"Maybe."_

_"Not going to happen."_

_"Um...okay, then what is going to happen?"_

_"We are going to head back to the club...Miss Jay is expecting us, make a right."_

_"You talked to Miss Jay?"_

_"We had lunch together, she's really great."_

She grumbled something and I reached over and put my hand on her leg.

_"Are you upset?"_

_"I just don't want to end up tied to that cross again...I mean she must not think it was good enough if she wants me to come back. It's complete bullshit."_

_"Do you trust me?"_

_"What?" _She said as we pulled into a parking spot outside of the club.

I needed to know where she stood before we walked inside or this night could go bad. I could tell from the look in her eyes that she felt cornered. This was the scared girl who was afraid to submit and not the strong woman who submitted with ease. She needed me more than she realized.

* * *

She shut off the car and then turned to look at me with the saddest look that I had ever seen from her. Was she scared?

I turned in my seat and smiled at her before reaching over and putting my hand on her arm. She was fighting tears but she didn't really have a reason to.

_"Do you trust me, Santana?"_

_"Yes but-"_ I put my finger to her lips and then shook my head.

_"Yes or no."_ I pulled my finger back and she nodded.

_"Yes, B. I trust you."_

_"Good because I need you to walk in there WITH me and trust that I won't allow anyone to overstep their boundaries."_

_"Boundaries?"_

_"Aren't you mine, Santana?" _

Her lips split into a huge grin and she wiped those ridiculous tears away finally.

_"I will always be yours, Britt."_

_"So then you'll go in there and trust me, no matter what?"_ She hesitated and I raised my eyebrow like she taught me. She looked down at her hands and then back at me with so much conviction that it assured me that I was doing the right thing.

_"I will trust you no matter what, Miss, I promise." _I couldn't help but to throw myself at her. I kissed her hard and savored the spicy sweetness of her kiss. God, I loved her.

_"Good girl." _I whispered against her lips. She groaned and kissed me back even harder. _"I want you so bad."_

_"Take me then, Miss."_

_"Prove how much you trust me tonight and I just might."_

* * *

_**A/N: More soon.**_


	8. Chapter 8:Trust Me

_**A/N: All in due time.**_

* * *

**Trust Me (Backstreet Boys)**

* * *

I held her hand in mine and we walked into the club side by side. I thought everything was okay but then I looked over at her and I could see that it wasn't. Her head was down and her hold on my hand was loosening. She was freaking out and I did not like it. I knew that even if this was a whole Dominant/submission thing, there was no way that I could deal with her looking so broken down because of it.

That's not how we work, not in the past and not in the future.

When we got into the lobby, I pulled her to the side, her back was to the corner and I stepped in front of her so that nobody passing by could see her. I was like her shield because I wanted her to trust me and so I had to give her something to trust in.

Her head was still down, so I raised her chin until our eyes met.

_"Hey."_ I said and she gave me a small smile.

_"Hey yourself." _She whispered, trying her best to look brave but I could see right through all of that._  
_

_"I want to be everything that you need, Santana, I know that I haven't really been clear about that but I'm very serious. Okay?"_

_"Yea...okay." _She tried to look convincing but she was failing miserably. I pressed her back more and she let out a whimper, her back still ached from the night before so I moved back just enough for it to not sting. She let out a sigh and then gave me a lazy smile._ "I'm fine."  
_

_"You're not fine."_

_"I'm not?"_

_"I don't know...talk to me Santana, are you finding it hard to trust me?"_

She let out another sigh and then looked at me with tears in her eyes, tears that I knew she didn't want me to see but given our close proximity, there was no way for her to avoid it.

* * *

_"Its not that. I trust you. I am really grateful that you stepped in last night and kept me from getting worse than I got, I guess I'm just worried that the slate isn't clean. I want you and I want...this if it's with you. I'm so sorry about my fuck ups...I just...I have to trust that you won't let me pay twice for it. I just can't help but worry because I don't know what us being here...what you being here right now, even means." _She said in her harshest whisper, all while trying to appear like she was talking casually, I knew her better. She was showing me her backbone.

That's my girl. I needed to see her strength, I needed to know that my Santana still existed and now that I knew, I just opened my mouth and let the words that she really needed to hear come out.

_"Last night __really _opened my eyes and I saw you beyond what you usually show the world. I saw all of you and for the first time, I understood our non-breakup and I understood how much it hurt you to see me with Sam so soon or at all. I got that we lost touch with each other and I regret it."

_"Yea...we really did lose touch, I regret a lot of things. I shouldn't have ended things...I just thought it was the right thing to do. You know kind of like when Finn let Rachel go at the train station but everyone knew that they were always on. That was my train station...me letting you go so that I didn't hold you back. It backfired."_ She whispered as her tears began to fall.

_"Hey...don't beat yourself up."_ Her head fell again and I lifted it up but her eyes were closed as the tears continued to come. _"Look at me...please?"_

_"I'm just sorry that we ended because I not only lost the love of my life but my best friend. I wanted to believe we were over...it's just..."_ She blew out a breath and gave me a smile. _"We are never really over, are we?"_

_"Never."_

_"So does this mean that...we are going to try again?" _

_"San, I really want to make us work and not because I got enjoyment out of punishing you but because it just felt like it was so right, being with you always feels right. It was like nothing else existed but us. Now it feels like this was that link that was missing before. You need boundaries...you always have. You hate labels but you live by them, you need them. Cheerio Captain, Soloist, Fame seeker. You need people to know you exist, all so you can feel alive. Am I right?"  
_

She scrunched up her nose and then stared at a spot on my shoulder as all of my words clicked into place and then she looked up at me with unshed tears and a big smile.

_"That's it exactly. I need you to guide us, B. I'm not so good at it. Just...don't stop loving me okay?"_

She sounded so vulnerable and small when she opened up to me and I couldn't help but to kiss her. Her lips tasted salty from her tears but that spice was still there, her heat still thrived and it made my skin buzz with want.

_"That's just it, I think it's physically impossible for me to not love you. Like ever, trust me."_

* * *

Newly confident, San walked with her head high as we made our way to the same office as the night before but this time, she didn't hide behind me. She was trusting me and nothing made me feel better than that. _  
_

I knocked on the door of Jade's office and the door swung open almost instantly.

_"Come in ladies."_ She said as she stood with the door open.

The room was red and white, it reminded me of McKinley.

It was like home.

San looked around with wide eyes and then her eyes fell on the cross in the corner that was a smaller version of the one in the showroom.

I led her to a chair on the opposite side of the room and kissed her forehead.

_"Can you wait for me here?"_

She looked up in panic.

_"Here?"_

_"Yes."_

I could see the panic in her eyes but she gave me a confident smile and nodded.

_"Of course, Miss. I'll be right here waiting for you when you get back."_

_"I trust that you will be."_

She caught my smirk and immediately dropped her eyes but I could see the blush taking over her cheeks. She got the message and she was going to do what I asked.

She was going to trust me.

* * *

_"So, tell me how you want to do this?"_ I said as I followed Jade past the showroom and into one of those private rooms that Sebastian told me is for paid sessions.

In my mind, I thought that all of these rooms would be miniature versions of the Showroom but this one looked more like the Computer Lab at school.

There were large monitors on the walls, all of them showing different rooms in the place. None of them had sound but the pictures were all pretty clear. Jade and I sat across from the monitors on a big comfy couch that had a large table in front of it.

I watched as she clapped her hands and then sat in awe when a small woman, dressed in an all black latex catsuit came in carrying two glasses of juice with curly straws.

The girl put the glasses on the table and then knelt beside the couch facing Jade with her hands on her thighs and her head down.

_"Brittany this is my girl. She's was my first sub and actually, she's the only one that I have kept around since the very beginning."_ I watched as she ran her fingers through her girl's hair lovingly and smiled down at her with all the love in the world. _"She lives with me and my husband, is a second mother to Brittz and really, I wouldn't have it any other way."_

_"So you have a husband and a submissive?"_

_"It's not unheard of. My husband is a Domme, he's my Domme actually."_

_"But you're a Dominatrix." _

She picked up the glasses and handed me mine. I sipped the best tasting juice in the world and couldn't help but to suck at the straw greedily. Jade chuckled until I put the glass down, suddenly super aware of her watching me from the corner of her eye.

_"For the record, I am a Dominatrix who is also a switch when it comes to my husband."_

_"Like you go back and forth."_

_"Only with him."_

_"Wow. That's...so...just...wow!" _

_"I know. It's a lot to take in."_

_"It is."_

_"One thing that you'll learn quickly Brittany is that for every strict rule that there is when it comes to our subs, there are rules that can be bent as well. It all really comes down to the contract that's decided on. Contracts are incredibly important and can make or break a relationship."_

* * *

_"And having a sub didn't break you because you had a contract?"_

_"Well, the contract draws the lines. She is my girl, my sub and only mine. My husband has room in his contract to have another sub other than me but he chooses not to."_

_"But you can have one?"_

_"Well, I fell in love with my girl before I met my husband, we have been together since high school. When we met, she was all over the place until I leveled her out, isn't that right, love?"_

_"Yes, Miss."_

_"She was non-negotiable for me and he loved me enough to know that, so she was written into my contract with him."_

_"Wow. That's all awesome for you but why are you telling me this, you barely know me." _

_"I wanted you to know that there are no secrets between us, Brittany. Trust is something that you need be able to give just as well as receive. I mean look at your girl. Your very obedient girl. What's the first thing you notice about her?" _

She pointed towards the monitor that was in her office. I looked at the small figure sitting on the sofa, right were I left her. Santana looked beautiful with her head down as she sat there staring at the cross on the other side of the room. She looked like a goddess. She didn't move with exception of her deep breaths.

_"She's so beautiful. When I look at her, I know that I would set the world on fire for her. She just makes me want to do anything that I can to protect her from the world...just like she has always done for me."_

_"Mmm. You know, I don't normally train other Dommes but there is just something about the two of you that reminds me of the very beginning of my relationship with my girl."_

_"It does?"_

_"When I look at you Brittany, I see myself. I saw how you were digging the silly straws. One of my favorites." _

_"Because they're awesome." _I smirked as I sipped from my straw again and watched the juice go through it.

_"That's exactly what I mean. You've got this sweet and shy nature but then something takes over you when you have that whip in your hand. I could see your love for her and I knew that feeling from experience. That's why I want to help you get through this without making the same mistakes that I made."  
_

_"Thank you. I feel honored."_

_"You should." _

* * *

After Jade spilled her heart out to me, she sent her girl away, we got down to business. We laid some ground rules, that I had seen in the book that she had given me.

I would start full-time training after Santana went back to New York in another week but in the meantime, we agreed that I definitely needed some ground rules with Santana. I wasn't ready to claim her as my sub because I wasn't really sure how to be a Domme but that didn't mean that we shouldn't start working on our relationship.

So Jade challenged me with the task of wooing Santana.

I admitted to her that I was nervous about being the one to make the decisions when it came to our relationship and then I had to explain just what happened since the moment that I first met Santana.

After she laughed and then teared up towards the end, she agreed that it was time that I stop letting Santana's fears dictate how this relationship goes.

And there was only one way to do that, I had to stop letting Santana make herself out to be the bad guy.


	9. Chapter 9:Harder We Fall

_**A/N: It's been a few days but I'm back! Yay! **_

* * *

**Harder We Fall (Jessie J)**

* * *

Santana looked anxious in the back seat with her overnight bag clutched in her lap. I hadn't said much to her when we left the club and then I told her to get in the back seat so that I could sit up front while Miss Jay drove. Her whole face got pale but she just nodded and climbed in the back seat without a word. I wanted to tell her more, ease her mind but Jade had been clear about getting Santana to follow the simple directions, making her earn a full explanation. It seemed harsh but not knowing what was ahead of her, seemed to keep Santana in line. I was proud of her and really, that's what I think the whole point of it was.

We drove out of Lima and I watched in the rear view mirror as Santana's eyes stared out the window in confusion, her eyes flicked towards mine and when I smiled she hesitantly smiled back before dropping her eyes. I could tell that she wanted to know where we were going and what we were going to do once we got there, I was anxious myself but I didn't let on. Instead, I just listened to Jade as she talked about how she had met her girl. They were cheerleaders together and at that, I glanced back at Santana, who was pretending not to listen the red tinge of her ears though, gave her away.

After driving for longer than I had expected, we pulled up in front of a beautiful white house that was surrounded by the tallest trees that I had ever seen. It was like being trapped in a fairytale. I was in love with it, immediately.

_"It's not much but it's home."_ Jade said with a small smirk when she saw the awe on my face.

_"All of you live here?"_

_"Yea but Dominic took Brittz to visit his mom in Dayton for the rest of the week, he's still really upset about the whole thing with Santana. He wanted to get in on that punishment but I told him that he got his hits in enough. He may be the Lord of my house and all but I'm still his hormonal and pregnant wife."_

I heard a harsh intake of air from behind my seat and realized that this was the first time that Santana was realizing that Miss Jay was pregnant when she had gone after her. If Jade's husband wanted to get in on that punishment, he very much could have but thankfully he listened to his wife.

* * *

When we stepped inside, Jade's girl came into the room in comfy sweats and her hair pulled up in a bun. She took Jade's purse and then kissed her face.

_"How was your ride home, sweet?"_ She said, leaning in to kiss her girl once more.

_"It went well, I'm not used to driving your big truck but I managed well. Brittz and Daddy called to talk to you. I told them that we would would call when you got settled. Do you need anything Miss?"_

_"Yes, my sweet, actually I do, this is Santana, she's just learning this submissive thing, she's trying to learn to be a good sub to Brittany."_ The girl's eyes got big and Jade smirked and nodded. _"I know, it's crazy right."_ The girl nodded._ "Anyway, they will be staying with us for a few days and even though she's not claimed officially, I think she could really use some help with learning how to be a good sub. That being said, she'll be staying with you, so if you could take her under your wing and show her the ropes, real and metaphorical, you will be heavily rewarded for all of your hard work."_

_"Yes, Miss." _She grabbed Santana's bag from her hand and smiled at her before looking at me and nodding. _"Enjoy your time here, Miss Brittany, if there is anything that you need, anything at all, please let me know. Don't worry about your girl, she's in perfectly, sexy and manicured hands." _She smirked and cocked her eyebrow when she looked back at Santana. _"You can come with me and please try to fix your face, I'm the last person that you should be worried about." _

I watched the two gorgeous women leave the room before turning my attention back to Jade who was now happily lounging across the sofa with her feet up on the coffee table. She had taken off her big sweat shirt and was now scrolling through her phone without a worry a in the world

_"So what happens now?"_

_"Now we relax while our girls make dinner and then you get to enjoy some play time. You don't have to participate or anything but I think it would be good for both you and Santana to see me and my girl's dynamic as much as possible. We are both very relaxed and sometimes she seems to be the one running things but it's all in good fun."_

_"Oh...okay. Sounds good."_

* * *

Jade and I watched a show and casually chatted about my being at MIT and we even talked about Sebastian for a while. From what she told me, I knew that Sebastian was cousins with her husband and that he didn't really have a role just yet. Everyone just assumed that he would be a top but lately, he had been leaning towards submission which surprised me, just from the way that he was with both me and Santana, I had assumed otherwise. I guess, I just couldn't imagine anyone topping him.

Soft footsteps came into the room and Jade smirked before turning to look at me. When I looked up, there stood Santana with her hair pulled back and her head bowed a bit. She was staring straight at me with a small smile.

_"Dinner is served. Miss Jay, we were wondering if you wanted us to join you two for dinner?"_

_"Yes, Santana, I would love it if you two would join us."_

_"Thank you, Miss." _She said with another nod before looking at me for a second. I smiled at her and her cheeks tinged pink. I wasn't sure what she had been told by Jade's girl but it seemed that she was falling into her role perfectly, Dani had been right, Santana was a natural at this.

* * *

Jade threw her arm over my shoulders as we followed Santana into the dining room. She was smirking like a five year old and I could literally feel the happiness vibrating off of her.

_"I knew that my girl could help. Santana is going to be ready to be your girl in no time!"_

_"You really think so?" _

_"I can tell that it's what she wants more than anything."_

_"How can you see that?"_

_"Because I have trained twenty three subs, including my girl and none of them have taken direction as well as she has."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yep." _

_"Well, I know some people who would definitely disagree with that." _

_"Yea well maybe out in the vanilla world, she can get away with that and people just accept it from her but in this world she'll develop that sense of who is on top. Some Dommes call it an energy exchange." _I sucked in a breath and she smiled, obviously remembering how the break-up had happened. _"But I think that's crap."_

_"Seriously? Are you messing with me?"_

_"Nope, a sub can sense a Domme, it's like imbedded in them but to call it an energy exchange is kind of dramatic."_

_"So what do you call it?"_

_"A sub knowing their fucking place." _She said as she waited for her girl to pull out her chair. I turned to sit down and hesitated when I saw Santana doing the same thing for me. I blushed and sat in the chair, thanking her as I sat down.

* * *

Following the other sub's lead, Santana served my dinner and then once both Jade and I had plates in front of us, both of them sat at the end of the table on a high bench. Even though she was just a few inches from me, it seemed like San was in a whole different world than I was and it made me uneasy. When I looked over to see Jade casually talking with her girl, I reached across to Santana and placed my hand on hers. She stilled and raised her eyes to look at me without lifting her head.

_"Are you okay? Is this too much for you?"_

_"No, Miss. I'm happier than I've been in a long time, are you happy? Is this too much for you?" _She smirked at me and I smiled back.

_"Seeing you happy, ensures my happiness, so I'm doing just fine."_

_"Good, Miss. Its good to know that I am making you happy."_

* * *

We began to eat and the table was silent for a little while before I heard a fork clatter from just in front of me. Jade had her head down and was hunched over her plate. Her girl looked pale and was on her feet next to her Miss in seconds. From the corner of my eye, I could see that Santana had stopped eating and was staring down at her plate looking guilty.

I looked back at Mistress and sub, feeling like I needed to do something.

_"Miss? Tell me what you're feeling?"_

_"Pain." _

_"Miss...fuck...Jade, you're freaking me out love, do I need to take you to the hospital?"  
_

It felt like I was intruding on a personal moment between them but I didn't want to leave the table just in case my newest friend needed me.

_"Is it the baby?" _

_"You know ever since..." _Jade glanced up at Santana and then back at her girl._ "The pain comes and goes, I just need to lay down."  
_

_"If you start bleeding, he's not going to be happy."_

_"Shhh...just help me to bed...bring Santana."  
_

San's whole body got stiff and when her eyes looked at mine, they were wide but I knew that Jade, even in all of this pain had a reason for requesting San's presence.

_"Go with her, she might need you."_

_"For what?"_ She whined.

_"Don't make me say it again."_

* * *

What had started out as a night for play and learning turned into Jade losing her baby in the early hours of the morning. I had fallen asleep across the guest room bed when I heard the sound of Santana's footsteps come into the room.

Her hand touched my shoulder and then I felt her lips on my forehead. I opened my eyes and saw her kneeling there, with tears in her eyes looking at me sadly.

_"What happened?"_ I said groggily.

_"We were just about to take her to the hospital but then Gia, she's a doctor, uh...she said it was no use, that there was no baby to save. It's my fault and...I...fuck!" _

I sprung up from the bed and looked down at Santana who remained on her knees, head down and hands covering her face. She was sobbing now because this ultimately fell on her. She had attacked a stranger, one that happened to be pregnant, and this was probably the result of that. Suddenly those fifteen lashes didn't seem like enough and she knew it.

_"Just stay there for now, I'm going to check on her." _

_"O...ok, Miss." _She whispered, her voice hoarse and thick with tears.

My heart was thudding in my ears as I got closer to the crying that was coming from down the hall. The door to Jade's room was open and so I didn't bother knocking. Her girl, Gia, sat at the edge of the bed crying harder than Santana had. The crying that I had heard came from her, which struck me in a weird way, it showed me just how entwined this little family was.

I stepped completely into the room and saw Jade standing with her head pressed against the window while she listened silently to whoever was on the phone. It didn't take me long to realize that it was her husband, when I got closer to her I could hear him grumbling.

My heart hurt for all of them.

* * *

The moment that Jade saw me, she threw her arms around me and rested her head on my shoulder. I could hear him trying to soothe her but at the same time, he kept bringing up Santana's name. I continued to hold onto her until her body drooped against mine.

She was so tired and needed her Domme to take care of her but he was elsewhere, I wasn't sure what came over me but I knew that if the tables were turned, I would want someone to take care of my sub.

Platonic, of course.

_"Come on, Jade, you need to rest." _She nodded against my shoulder and leaned further into me. I bent over and scooped my arm under her legs, holding her bridal style. She let out a moan and then pressed her face against my neck.

_"He wants...to talk to you." _She whispered and I could see that her eyes were drooping as she continued to hold the phone.

_"Once you are tucked in, I will talk to him but right now, you need to be in bed." _I said sternly, her eyes opened wider and her mouth gaped open like she was ready to tear me apart but then she just nodded and allowed me to walk across her bedroom with her clutched in my arms.

* * *

Gia had pulled the covers back and was fluffing up the pillows frantically as I laid her Mistress down in the bed. Her face was swollen and her tears continued but that didn't stop her from fussing over Jade like she was a child.

_"Can you take it from here?" _I asked Gia, even though I was sure that she was more than capable of taking care of Jade. She didn't seem offended though, she just looked at me with a small smile and nodded.

_"You should talk to him before he explodes."_

_"You will find me if she needs anything?"_

_"Yes, ma'am."_

_"Thank you." _

_"My pleasure, ma'am."_

* * *

I pulled out every submissive and nice thing that I could when I first spoke to Dominic but he just seemed to get angrier about us being in his house while he was gone. He was especially angry that Santana was the one that was with his wife when she lost the baby. I agreed with him because how could I not?

Finally, after he had finished grumbling, he thanked me for looking after Jade for him before asking that I take Santana home. He wasn't sure that Jade would be able to maintain this coolness with her in the house and he said that seeing Santana might trigger her to explode.

It sounded like a threat more than a warning but I understood that this was the last place that either one of us needed to be.

A shift was taking place and I was scared of what came next.

For me but more for my unclaimed, untamed, ex-girlfriend Santana.

* * *

_**A/N: There was no trigger warning, I know, sorry loves.** _


	10. Chapter 10:Rooting For My Baby

_**A/N: I know that I threw a lot of people off with the last chapter and my mentor, Big A, says that I need to maybe go back and tell you what really happened that night at the club and so here goes. Oh and this song, is probably one of my favorites.  
**_

* * *

**Rooting For My Baby (Miley Cyrus)**

* * *

When I got back to the guest room, Santana was still kneeling but the tears had stopped, instead she was just staring at the bedspread with a blank expression. She was taking this whole thing onto her shoulders and I wanted to make sure that Dominic was justified in his anger.

I quietly repacked our stuff and then grabbed the car keys before going anywhere near Santana.

_"Lets go home." _I said with my hand out to her. Big brown eyes looked up at me and I could see that she was just on the verge of crying again but she was holding back, waiting for me to react harshly but I wasn't going to do that. That wasn't what she needed, I might not be a pro at all of this like Jade, but I knew the woman in front of me better than anything.

I had to be fair and honest with her in order for her to give me the same kind of thing in return. When it all comes down to facts, nobody knows Santana Lopez like I do. She is a wounded woman with a lot of history to back up her hurt that she does her best to conceal.

Dealing with her has always been complicated but I never backed down from a challenge worth fighting for and if anyone was worth me fighting for, it would always be her.

* * *

When I pulled into my parents driveway, I felt a heaviness settle in my chest that I knew for a fact, would not be going away any time soon.

The entire ride home had been quiet, mostly because Santana had climbed into the back seat and curled in on herself, somehow I knew that Jade would not approve but I didn't care. Santana was mine and I knew that she needed that time to herself, especially since once we got into that house, she would be robbed of that. I was rooting for her but I needed to know why.

I looked in the rear view mirror and saw her looking back at me with an anxious expression, it was so unlike the girl who I loved and I hated it. I smiled at her but she didn't smile back, it was too hard for her in that moment and I understood it.

She just wanted to get this over with.

I let her in the house and then went back to the car to grab our bags and my phone, I was thankful for that chance to step away because I was able to clear my head. I knew that I had to push away everything that I had seen and learned in the last few days and instead, rely fully on the faith that I had in Santana.

I had to trust her before anything else.

I had to trust that I knew what I was doing because with her, sometimes rules just don't work.

* * *

When I stepped inside, the lights were off downstairs but I could see that the upstairs was completely lit up. I had half expected to find Santana on her knees in the living room waiting for me but I was happy that she knew me enough to know what was necessary. Right then, we needed to have an honest conversation and those usually happened in my room.

I climbed the stairs two at a time after making a brief stop in the kitchen, and then I burst into the room like everything was normal. She peeked over her shoulder and held up her index finger before turning back towards the window. She was on the phone, trying her best to sound normal as she spoke in Spanish to one of her parents.

While she talked, I unpacked both of our bags and then walked over to her with a notepad. She looked down at my scribble and looked ready to argue but then just shrugged and nodded.

It was a simple request for her to join me in the bathtub, one that she could have turned down easily but I was happy to see her agree, even if it was half-hearted.

* * *

Assured that she would soon follow me, I went into the bathroom and began to fill up the big jacuzzi tub with bubbles before dimming the lights. Usually this was something romantic for us and was followed by sexy times but I knew better, this was about getting her relaxed enough that the story would just come spilling out.

I watched her quietly climb into the other end of the tub with her lip between her teeth and her head down. Which was not cool, so I told her so.

_"Please come sit with me, I just want us to talk as Brittany and Santana, like before. Please?"_

Her eyebrows raised in shock but I just held my arms open for her.

_"You're sure that's what you want, B?"_

_"Never been more sure."_

_"I, uh...I want to be in your arms so bad, B but-" _

_"Then get over here, the only butt that I want is yours in my lap." _Her mouth hung open but all I could do is smile and lean forward, wishing the bathtub was short enough that I could reach her but unfortunately, it wasn't. I was nearly six feet tall and my feet didn't touch the other side.

San hesitated one moment longer before she finally crawled toward me, never taking her eyes off of mine.

I thought we had made progress but then she knelt between my thighs, sitting back on her feet with a small half-smile before she put her hands on my arms, which were on the arm rests on either side of me.

_"I don't deserve to be in your arms, B...please let me talk about this first and then you can do whatever you want...okay? Please?"_

I was all set to argue with her but then I saw the tears that she tried to blink back. She was feeling very strongly about this and since I had already promised myself that I would do things her way until I got the whole story, I nodded and then dropped my hands to her waist, she sucked in a breath when I touched her but I refused to move hands and she didn't push me off.

_"Good girl."_ I froze. It had slipped out before I could catch it, I looked up at her and she seemed to actually be calmer from my words. Jade had been right, submitting was a natural thing for Santana and so those words seemed to have put her in a better place.

She cracked a small smile and I took that as a good sign.

* * *

_"I left here and I was so torn apart about how things went. I had literally just dumped Dani as I was coming down the driveway. I was wrong to immediately expect you to want to get with me. I don't even know what I wanted exactly but I'm pretty sure it wasn't healthy to assume that I was what you wanted, you had just been fucking attacked for fuck's sake. I was so out of line. I know that now."  
_

_"Yea, that wouldn't have happened anyway. I think it's still too soon for me."_

_"I know. I'm sorry about that, B."_

_"Yea, I know."_

_"If I could go back, I would."_ I knew that she was vulnerable but hearing that just made me annoyed. I rolled my eyes and decided to keep the story going.

_"So then you went straight to the club, right?"_

She let out a harsh laugh and rolled her eyes.

_"I called Dani and told her how stupid I had been, how I would just fucking submit to her if that's what she wanted. She told me that she wouldn't be second to you or anyone else, that I had to be sure that what I was saying was something that I really wanted. She told me about that club and how I should go and just look around, then call her when I had a clue of what she wanted from me. I don't even know how she knew about that place since she's never even been to Lima but she somehow did. When I got there I was already a few drinks in. I needed that liquid courage to get through the night and so I had stopped at the strip club first."_

_"Wow...you in a strip club?" _

_"I know...I always talked about how much I despised those places but there was alcohol and naked women, if I squinted, it was like one of Puck's house parties."_

_"Not even close, try again."_

_"Okay, fine...I just went there because it was easier than going to a fucking S&M club. I stayed there until I got drunk enough to go to the other place without feeling like a total pussy. I went and Sebastian was there and he let me right in. I went in there and could hear all the moaning and shit from the side rooms. It was hot and I was kind of wasted and horny. So far, I thought it was something that I could handle but then there was this blonde in front of me, tall with a rocking body, if I was going to submit, it would be to her, hands down because she instantly reminded me of you. I followed her into the Showroom because I just couldn't help myself."_

_"So you basically stalked her."_

_"Yea, I guess, yea, I stalked her. At first, I was just observing her while she had her girl on display. I wanted to be that girl because it was the closest I could get to you. So I whistled at her, called her a hot piece of ass and told her how I'd like to put her on her knees. Just a bunch of big talk. I couldn't get my mouth to stop. Eventually, she turned and looked at me like I was nothing but a piece of shit and it pissed me off."  
_

_"But you're not a piece of shit."_

_"Right, I'm not."_

* * *

I gave her a moment to wipe away the fresh tears on her face and then I got right back down to business.

_"So you finally got her attention?"_

_"I did, hers and everyone else too. She told me to know my place and shut up. You know me, I told her that my place was above her fucking the life out of her."_ I sucked in a breath, feeling anger chew through me. Santana dropped her eyes but I tipped up her chin and glared at her.

_"The life out of her? Really?"_

_"I was so fucking out of line, I know that now."_

_"I just can't believe that you actually said that to her or to anyone really."_

_"Me either."_

_"What happened next?"_

_"I started to feel that weepy thing that I get when I drink too much and she laughed at me and then everyone else laughed. I told her to stop but she didn't and so I rushed at her, I knocked her on her ass and I punched her in the face. She just kept laughing, so I went to swing again and then I was being lifted in the air. I tried to fight the guy off but he slammed me down on the ground, face first. That's how I fucked up my lip, I had my hand out to block my face and my lip took the brunt of the pain, I guess. He kicked me and punched me. I don't know how I got away from him but when I did, I ran like hell."_

_"Yea, I bet." _

_"I ended up back at the strip club throwing back shots like crazy and that's when Sebastian found me. You know the rest."_

_"Wow, so you did more than punch her?"_

_"Yea, I definitely did. She just provoked me but that was no reason to attack her. I should have known my place whether that's as a submissive or just as a person. It was wrong and now, she's lost her baby because of it."_

_"Dominic was right." _Her body went stiff and she went to pull away but my hands were still holding her waist, so she couldn't really move much. _"Stop, he's right that the punishment wasn't enough for you. I can't help but to agree but that doesn't mean that I blame you for this. You didn't know her or that she was pregnant. If you had, I don't think you would have even whistled at her, Right?"_

_"Definitely, I would not have even looked at her."_

_"Exactly, that doesn't make what you did right but I don't blame you for her miscarriage, at least not completely."  
_

_"You don't?"_

_"I don't."_

_"So what should I do? There is nothing stopping them from pressing charges."_

* * *

I looked at her beautiful face, her small smile, her bloodshot eyes and I couldn't resist pulling her against me. There was one thing that could be done but I wasn't sure I wanted to make that option available to her because the very idea scared me. Dominic had outright demanded that he be allowed to train her but I had refused him. I didn't trust him to take care of her the way that she needed.

She was watching me and I could see her trying to read my mind and in that moment, I was happy that she couldn't. I felt so stuck, I had signed a contract with Jade and even if she was currently out of it, I was committed to her training me for the next two and a half months and so I would have to deal with Dominic anyway. Would it be safer if he trained her while I was there?

How could I ask something of her that could possibly hurt her?

_"Britt? What's with the face?"_

_"Truth?" _

_"Please? Britt, I feel like shit and if you know some way that I can fix this, please just tell me?"_

_"Even if it's not the best option."_

_"Any option is better than jail."_

_"Are you sure about that?"_

_"I swear on my life. Just tell me."  
_

_"He wants you."_

Her face dropped and her eyes got watery as she gasped for air. She knew what that meant, there was no explanation needed and now there was just the decision.

I knew what I wanted but she had gotten into this mess and I wanted to help her get out, in the end though it had to be her decision.

In my mind, I was positive that she would immediately refuse it but then her face got still and she just nodded her head.

_"I'll do it."_

* * *

_**A/N: Is this better my dear? Just so you know that it was in the works!** **I hope this clears some things up and raises the right questions! Lots of love! **  
_


	11. Chapter 11:Down The Line

**_A/N: This whole story is a challenge from A, I begged her to make me a better writer and she said to follow her and I'll be better. One thing that she is good at, flipping the script. That said, I'm changing POV! This song is practically edible because the lyrics are so good! I've missed you guys, so much!  
_**

* * *

**Down the Line (John Newman)**

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

I said what I thought she wanted to hear, her eyes were burning into my soul and I knew that this was something that she was torn about.

There was no way in hell that I was going to stick around Lima long enough to let some sociopath try to train me into the perfect submissive.

Yea, no thanks but that didn't mean that I wasn't going to tell her what I thought would please her in that moment.

Her hands dug into my waist and had it not been for the water lapping all around us, maybe her nails would have stung my flesh but thankfully, my body wouldn't be suffering so much pain again, at least if I could help it.

My actions were reckless and stupid, if I could erase it all and stay my ass in Brooklyn like Rachel had insisted, this would never have happened. Dani's got a record deal all on her own, she's on her way and I'm here hovering over my ex-girlfriend waiting for her to respond but she just keeps staring at me like I've lost my mind.

_"Britt? Are you okay?"_

_"Don't do it."_

Now I was confused.

_"Isn't that what you want? You get trained by her and he deals with me so that by the time you are ready to have me again, ready to love me again, I'll be broken in?"_

_"No. That's the last thing that I want." _

_"Well what do you want then?"_

_"Your happiness, your love."_

_"You have that."_

_"Promise me?"_ She said with the same hurt look in her eyes that existed the day that I broke up with her all over an energy exchange with someone who I later found out was a Domme. It wasn't her that I was attracted to but the power that seeped from her pores.

I wouldn't make that mistake again.

* * *

Her eyes were staring into mine and I swear that she could see into my soul. I touched her face and leaned forward, close enough for us to be sharing breaths. I looked back into her eyes and cupped her face with my hands.

_"Brittany, I promise that you are my happiness and you have ALL of my love. I have always believed in you and trusted in your judgment, even when it hurt me to do it. I need to learn to accept those kinds of things back from you and I'm willing. I promise you that I love you and that I will follow you to end of the Earth if you want and if that means that I have to kneel for that...for him, then that's what I'll do."_

My eyes were burning from holding back tears as I waited for her to give me an emotional response but instead her eyes got wide and her face got cold. That had not been what I was expecting. Her hands wrapped around my wrists, slowly she pulled my hands from her face and held them in hers.

_"For that very reason, I can't let you do what he wants. So I need you to leave." _My heart sped up and I felt like I was going to hurl but I just listened and tried to not freak out just yet. _"I need you to go back to New York and don't come back to Lima unless its an emergency."_

_"But I promised my parents that I would stay." _

_"And they want to go out of town to visit your family, go with them and then go to New York or just go straight to New York, either way, you need to leave." _

_"So you want me to punk out?"_ Even though I was relieved that she didn't want me to have to deal with him, I felt a little offended that she didn't think that I could handle myself.

_"Is that what you think this is?"_

_"Kinda."_

_"Do you want to have to kneel before someone other than me?"_

_"No."_

_"Then why are you trying to make a bigger deal of this? You are big and bad still...even if you run away." _

_"That's just it, all that I've been doing in the past year was running away from things. I ran away from school, from you, and now you want me to run from this. I'm tired. I don't want I don't want to run anymore, B."_

* * *

Britt had asked me to give her time to figure out what we should do and I had every intention of listening to her but then I headed home and there was nothing that I could do to clear my mind.

Maybe it wasn't the right thing to do but I couldn't help myself, so as I pulled into my driveway, I called Gia because I realized that calling Jade would be a step too far. If I called Gia, someone who didn't really have any contact with B than the chance was greater that it wouldn't get back to her.

It was a risk but I was willing to take it. Gia seemed like a pretty normal person and she lived in that house, day in and day out without a problem so I was pretty convinced that Dominic couldn't be that bad.

So I took a shower, changed my clothes and had a stiff drink before finally getting up the nerve to make the call.

_"Hello?"_

_"G?"_

_"Santana? Hold on a sec." _She whispered before a door closed and I heard some grumbling before another door closed._ "Does Brittany know that you're calling?"_

_"No."_

_"Well you picked quite a time to call."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because she just got here and she's talking to both of them about you."_

_"Seriously?"_

_"I got sent from the room, which never happens so it must be pretty serious." _

_"Great! How fucked am I?"  
_

_"Honestly, Santana, not even I can predict how this is going to play out."_

* * *

Ever since I was a kid, draped over my Papi's lap because I just never could get my act together, I always had some kind of peace with getting my ass spanked.

I would dread it, piss and moan the entire time it was about to happen and then afterwards, I would walk away and even though I was barely able to catch my breath, feeling refreshed and renewed.

Back then, I should have known that it wasn't normal to feel that way but getting spankings wasn't something that I had ever compared notes on, so its not like I would have known any different.

Right then, as I sat on the floor in my dark closet, clutching a bottle of Papi's tequila like it was the holy grail, I felt like a wasted lump of flesh.

I craved balance that I didn't have, there was this synergy within me that had to have come from the tequila and my overwrought emotions but suddenly I was done.

Santana Lopez was finished with dealing with all of this shit.

There was no way to atone...not like this.

Not with her...I wasn't ready.

My words had been sweet and my body had been willing but then I remembered how broken things were because of my stupid actions, nothing could bring an unborn child back.

I just had to face those facts, in my own way.

* * *

I'm not sure how long I have been drinking, maybe I was ten the first time that I had a drink, all I know is that despite my propensity to cry, I have always been able to hold my liquor pretty well.

That's the only way I could explain clearing out my account, purchasing a plane ticket and hitchhiking my way to the airport.

In my mind, I was beyond drunk, everything was a haze on the other side of my sunglasses and despite my shower, I knew that I smelled but the flight crew in Dayton is not as diligent as the one in New York because they let me on the plane without a problem.

It had been hours since I had last spoken to Britt or anyone else, including my parents and the fact that I left my phone smashed to bits on my bedroom floor probably sent a really strong sign that I was going AWOL.

For this, I felt a heavy guilt, one that probably could only be taken away by the strong sting of a whip and the sharp words of Britt, working me towards a better place.

She deserved a good girl and maybe at one point, I could have given that to her but too much has happened. She was deciding my fate with people who I barely knew and I knew it was hard for her to make this decision for me and so I was making the choice easy.

I wouldn't kneel for those people who mean nothing to me when I wasn't even prepared to kneel for the love of my life. Nothing about it was right.

Maybe I will come back and show her just how ready I am to be hers but in the mean time, running is the only thing that I'm good at and so that's what I'm going to do.

God help me.

* * *

**_A/N: It's been a while, I'm back to stir some shit up. I hope you enjoyed it, I sure did! Ciao!_  
**


	12. Chapter12:Let Her Go

_**A/N: Almost gave you guys something without backing it up (my beta was not pleased and we argued over it, she won) so I'm giving you this first. **__**Split chapter ahead with lots of angst, I think? I am writing this while in labor, so forgive any extra hormonal shit. Lots of love!  
**_

* * *

**Let Her Go (Passenger)**

* * *

**_Seven months later...Santana's POV_**

* * *

I stumbled into an alley way and rested my head back against the smooth brick of a wall. My head was hurting, my palms itched, and my stomach was full of acid and semen that shouldn't be there, in fact, the very thought of it made me nauseous again.

As I was leaning over, with my fingers massaging the back of my tongue, like Q had taught me, my head went speeding back to the girl that I had left behind.

When I was fleeing Lima, I had never imagined that missing her would hurt this much. My newest boss had given me a burner phone and even though she said it was only for incoming calls, I was sorely tempted to dial the number that hadn't changed since high school but even in moments like this...I resisted.

My life was out of control, I had planned to buy a ticket to LA but only had enough to make it to Reno. I thought it would be like everything that I had heard about Las Vegas but it definitely wasn't.

_"Rose?"_ I wiped the gross mix of liquid from my lips and spit once more for good measure before spinning around and smiling at my boss but she didn't return the expression.

_"Hey, Felicia." _

_"You sick?"_

_"Mmmhmm...too many tacos for lunch." _I mumbled, pushing past her hoping to make it back to the street before...my head was pulled back until my eyes met the ice blue ones staring back at me._  
_

_"You left in the middle of a job." _

_"Blowing your business partner wasn't part of the job that I took. I agreed to be a your assistant, that's it."_

Felicia glared at me and then shoved me face first against a wall. I had the presence of mind to turn my face this time, having learned quickly that she resorted to visible physical abuse when she was pissed off.

Her knee was between my legs as she pressed her body tightly against my back, the wall smelled like a mix between urine and mud, but it was better than the smell of a guys ball sack.

I shivered when her hand came down on my ass and stole my breath away, I rested there as she wailed on my ass and thighs in a public alley. I was sucking in deep breaths, trying my best not to cry but she never stopped...never gave in, until I did.

* * *

By the time that Felicia was done humiliating me for her own enjoyment, she made me sit in the back seat of the car while she drove us back home.

In moments like this, when her blonde hair draped over her shoulders and her pale knuckles gripped the steering wheel, I thought of Brittany. I wondered what she was doing, by now I was sure that she had finished her training and was back in Boston, studying her heart out.

An empty feeling in my chest made me stare dazed out of the window, allowing the tears to pool in my eyes, knowing that it turned Felicia on, I would always try to hide it but she always caught me.

It was like blood to a shark and I was putty in her hands.

Back home, I stood naked before her and remained silent as she tied me in ropes before hooking my hands together with my feet. My body was suspended from a swing by the rope that surrounded my hands and feet, a position that looked more painful than it was.

In those moments, when she manipulated my body into whatever contorted position that would satiate her needs that night, I thanked God for over a decade of cheerleading and gymnastics. Years of sacrificed Saturdays and late night practices that had brought out my blood, sweat, and tears were coming to use as she prepared to erase my identity and make me nothing but her slave.

She would work me over so well that I wouldn't be coherent, I wouldn't know my own name, real or fake. I would close my eyes and nearly bite through my lips, never wanting to safe word because it would mean calling out Britt's name while I gave up my body to someone else.

I wasn't good enough to receive the kind of love that Britt had offered me but that didn't mean that I didn't spend every moment of every day for the last seven months, missing her.

She was my light and my purpose but I had let her go, she would take me back, something I knew for a fact that if she was single, Brittany would ALWAYS take me back but that's not what I wanted.

It was so easy to let her go because I never had to worry that I would lose her for good.

* * *

_**Two weeks later...Britt's POV**_

* * *

The girls around me were all going over their days and the newest events that the sorority was going to be sponsoring this semester but I just absently picked at the grass in front of me and passed on the round of s'mores that was going around.

It was the first night in January that was actually warm enough to be outside, so the sisters had made a fire and now we were having our first sisterhood council of the semester. I had been a pledge for most of last semester but could now feel at home among my new family.

When I came back to school after months of training with Jade, I sunk into a depression that nearly got me kicked out of school but then I returned home for a weekend at Jade's request and she got me to see how I was failing myself and Santana.

Even if she had run, I was supposed to be strong and ready for whenever she came back. I was so deep in my depression that I was tempted to just not go back to school but thankfully, Jade came up with the idea that I join a sorority and form a family bond that would make me want to stay.

I had my doubts about pledging and conforming to a group but then I realized, I always did that...Cheerios, Glee, Astronomy club, Prom committee and senior class president...I liked being a part of something and so as anxious as I was about this, I did it and fell in love.

For a solid semester, I had participated and not only did I feel better about Santana abandoning me, but my grades improved, which was a great help.

I had people grounding me to Boston and I was insanely grateful for it...that of course was until I went home for Christmas break.

* * *

Jade and Dominic had gone off to Georgia to visit family, so I was left alone. I tried to use Mike being home as a distraction, we danced and I even spent time with Sebastian, who was home from school for break too.

Things had been going well, at least until he had told me that he had seen her.

I tried to ignore him telling me how he had seen her various times but only from a distance and even then, he wasn't certain.

From the moment that I found Santana's smashed cell phone on her bedroom floor, I knew that she had done more than run back to New York. Knowing that and knowing her, I still held out hope. I called Rachel and Kurt every day for a solid week and asked if she had shown up yet, finally I just told them to let me know if she showed up.

I didn't care if they panicked but I was sure that they wouldn't, Santana has the ability to disappear and show up in the most unexpected places, at the weirdest times. I had hope but then when Sebastian came home and dropped the bomb on me, telling me about seeing her in Reno more than once, I latched on to the idea of finding her.

Maybe that's where she was and I was willing to go find out, Sebastian stopped me from scrounging the money together to get to Reno and convinced me to visit him for Spring Break. I agreed, I mean, I had waited all of this time what was a few more months but then she called me as I caught the train back to school and told me that she had moved on. Nothing more than that, just that she was with someone new and that she had to let me go.

I wasn't going to stand for it.

The need to reign her in and claim her as mine was stronger than ever, it was distracting me from school and my new sisters with a vengeance.

I had to contain it or her, which ever came first.

* * *

Our meeting ended and I trudged up to my room, feeling like I was quickly losing control of myself. My head hurt and I was sweating so bad that my glasses kept slipping down my nose.

I was so preoccupied with pushing my glasses up that I didn't see the light streaming from under my door as I was walking towards it. When I pushed it open, I froze in the doorway. My roommate was still downstairs with everyone else, probably headed out for the night like usual which worked out since there was a ragged looking girl, sitting on the edge of my bed.

_"Santana?"_ I whispered as I closed the door and dropped my bag to the floor.

Two brown eyes looked up at me with fear and sadness. She stood shakily to her feet and wrapped her arms tightly around herself.

I was too afraid to touch her so I just stepped closer cautiously and when I did, I could see the scratches on the side of her face and the way a bruise was taking up most of her chin and neck.

_"What the hell happened to you?"_ I growled out, panic filling every part of me. This was not what I wanted, seeing her like this just gave more validity to how much she needed me.

_"I-I fucked up." _


	13. Chapter 13:Long Road To Hell

_**A/N: So baby Ava Marie is here, she's gorgeous, thanks for the well wishes. So I wrote this chapter in between being a new Mami and not sleeping in this noisy hospital, my beta has made me swear to take a break after I post this chapter and so I am...but just a small one. I need something to do when she's sleeping! I have no idea what the song is going to be...my beta's picking it. Didn't have time to pick one. This chapter was just insane to write when I had my family around. Have fun!**_

* * *

**Long Road To Hell (Avicii)**

* * *

I went to say something to her, still cautiously approaching her like the cornered animal that she resembled but then the door to my room swung open. I flinched as I watched Santana turn around and walk over towards the window, keeping her back towards me.

From this view, she just looked normal, no blood or visible scratches, just a girl standing in front of me, looking broken.

_"Brittz? You left the meeting earl-Oh, we have company."_ I spun around and gave my roommate, Carla, my regular, bubbly grin.

_"Hey Carla."_

_"What's up, Brittz?"_

_"Do you remember when we were talking about our pets and I told you how there was this puppy that I wanted while I was away this summer but it ran away before I could adopt it?"_

She grinned and nodded her head, occasionally looking behind me before meeting my eyes again.

_"Yea, you were sad and crying...it took pledging you extra hard just to get you to come back to yourself. I definitely remember. What's up, did someone find out what happened to the it?"_

_"Yes. She got adopted by someone else, who mistreated her and up until recently, nobody knew where she was, I think all that may have changed though."_

_"Oh. Well that's a shame all that had to happen to your puppy, I hope that things change."_

_"I definitely think that they might. Hey, so my friend from back home is going to stay the night, do you think that we could have the room, just for tonight?_" I asked, hoping that I had thrown her just enough clues for her to see where I was going with this.

_"Oh sure, absolutely...I know how it is. Trin actually invited me to his frat mixer tonight and so from there, I can just go home with him."_

_"Yea, are you sure that's okay?"_

_"Of course. Anything for you, Brittz. Just let me grab some things and I'll be out of your way." _

Carla shuffled around, stuffing more than a day's worth of clothing into her bag before throwing it over her shoulder. Of all my new sisters, Carla was definitely my favorite, she was my big and so it was her job to make sure that I was okay on and off campus. She had started out as an exchange student from the Philippines and decided to stay at M.I.T, she joined the sorority to feel a sense of family, just like me. She's a junior this year and has made it her mission to look out for me. After the downward spiral that I was on last semester, I have never been more grateful for her than right now.

_"Thanks for this, Carla. I really appreciate it."_

She leaned in and hugged me tight, all while whispering in my ear, so Santana couldn't hear her.

_"If that's Santana, I really hope that you work things out. From what I saw, she's not doing so well. Call me when its safe to come back. Take your time. I'll let the girls know that this room is off limits...cool?"_

_"You're the best._" I said as I ushered her to the door. She turned and winked at me before closing the door behind her.

* * *

_"You're not as slick as you think you are, just so you know."_ I sat down on my bed, resting my head against the wall and just watched as Santana turned around and began to deliver her version of the truth._ "How much does she know?"_

I shrugged and smiled at her angry face.

_"Carla knows about everything, there are no secrets between us."_

_"That's just fucking perfect. Does this whole fucking sorority know too?"_

_"About me or about us? Be more specific." _

_"Seriously, Brittany, I don't need this shit right now and frankly, I did not come all this way to deal with your games."_

_"Then you can leave." _I swept my hand towards the door and stared her down. I knew that it was a gamble, telling her to leave when the only thing that I wanted was for her to stay and let me mend all of her broken pieces but I was banking on the fact that I knew her better than she realized.

Her jaw hung open a bit and then her arms fell, dangling by her sides in defeat. I gave her a small smile and she just shifted in place and clenched her fists before returning her arms to their perch below her boobs.

She was wearing an extra low cut shirt and up until a few moments ago her arms had been wrapped so tightly around her chest that her breasts were peaking up through her shirt. Now she was returning to that position and I couldn't help but lick my lips. Her boobs had been what I tried not to stare at when I first walked into the room but from my seat on the bed, the view was directly in front of my face and so, I couldn't help but to stare. I've been celibate for months...sue me.

* * *

I closed my eyes tightly and then rested my head back against the wall, hoping to strengthen my bluff by ignoring the fact that the person who I had been obsessed with finding, was now standing there, broken before me.

She was silent and it was making me crazy but I kept my eyes closed. The door hadn't opened, her loud heels hadn't moved from where she was and so after what felt like an eternity, when I realized she wasn't leaving, I finally opened my eyes and then I immediately snapped them closed again.

From the moment that I had first closed my eyes, she had stepped out of her heels and stripped down to nothing but bare flesh. Maybe some part of me had expected her to be on her knees, like I had been wanting for months now, but instead, I was left with an image in my mind of what her being on nothing but her knees these past few months for someone else, had done to her body.

I have been seeing Santana naked for longer than I can remember and never had I passed up the opportunity to revel in it but at the moment, I was more interested in her hurt. I knew every inch of her skin before this but now I was looking at flesh that was foreign and raw in some places. I wanted to cry but I swallowed back those feelings, hoping that I would get a chance to vent with Jade later about it later. I couldn't show her my pain though, it would make things worse.

She needed my strength and so that's what she was going to get.

Bruises covered her body and the scratches on the side of her face continued down her neck and over her breasts. Her nipples were crusted over with dried blood or scabs, maybe both and the scars on her thighs stood out next to fresh welts.

Fresh welts?

If they were fresh, how recently had she fucked up?

Was someone after her?

I had images in my mind of her killing a person or maybe severe assault, I was anxious to know just how deep she had stepped in it and briefly wounded if I could even get her out of this newest fuck up.

In that split second of looking at her, I had managed to see just how damaged and broken she was. The irony, in the fact that she had gone off running away from being trained by Dominic and being claimed by me only to meet up with someone who had used her beyond repair, didn't escape me for a second.

It was sickening that someone could hurt her this way and I felt immediately responsible for it.

Responsible for her.

* * *

_"How did you get here, Santana?"_ I asked, still not ready or willing to open my eyes and see what had become of my Santana. She had come to me because she had_ 'fucked up'_ and I needed to know just how badly before we even began to fix the parts of her that could still be mended.

_"Please don't be like that, Br-"_ She began to say but then I sat up, eyes still closed and repeated myself.

_"How did you get here? To Boston, to campus, into my house and into my room? Tell me now or leave."_

_"Can you at least look at me...please?"_ Her voice cracked at the end and even though a huge part of me didn't want to give into her, she needed me and I wasn't going to let her down.

I opened my eyes and saw that she was standing just in front of me, thighs pressed against the bed with her arms, once again, wrapped around herself.

_"Tell me."_ I said, staring at her harshly, hopefully showing her that I meant what I said about her telling me the truth or leaving.

_"I've been in Reno until recently, I went home to Lima, well, more like I ran away from my Mis- from her. I was going to go back to the club and see if I could talk to Jade, to see if she could help me but before I could, my Mis-she, uh, she found me." _I watched as she took a step back and then turned around and showed me the deep welts on her back and her ass before turning back around._ "She got me to tell her that I was trying to get to you. She didn't waste another second and so we drove here."_

_"She's here?"_ I asked, trying my best to hold back my panic. Had she really brought that psycho here?

_"Well, not really but kind of." _She shrugged as she mumbled.

_"Yea? Explain that." _

_"We got a hotel, she wants to meet you. We've been here for two days because all she knows is that you go to school in Boston but not which school. I couldn't unleash her on you without warning you first."_

_"I would have dealt with her."_

_"I didn't want to take the chance that she would hurt you too. She scares me, B."_

_"Scares you? Santana Lopez doesn't get scared."_

_"Yea well, Santana Lopez is a fucking idiot for ever thinking that." _Her eyes rolled and for a moment, I saw that spark that I loved so much. I chuckled and felt empowered to keep pushing her for information.

_"How did you get away with not telling her what she wanted to know?"_

She looked down at herself and I watched as she smoothed her hands over her body with my eyes following her every movement. She sighed and wrapped her arms around herself before meeting my eyes again.

_"From the moment that we have left Lima, she has been punishing me for not telling her the truth and for running away from her."_

_"Then how did you get here?"_

_"She tied me to the bed and went to go grab food but I got out, she didn't have her regular stuff so she didn't realize it was loose. When she got back, I waited for her to start eating before I got out free and then I began throwing things at her. Like heavy shit, the phone, shoes and a paperweight I think. I uh...I lost it when she started coming towards me so I took her belt that she had tied me up with and began to beat her with the buckle until she wasn't moving."_

_"And then you just left her there?!"_

_"Yea, so? What was I supposed to do?"_ She said with tears in her eyes as she screwed up her face.

_"The cops are probably looking for you."_

_"Anything is better than going back to her, even jail."_

* * *

_"If that's true then you wouldn't have come here, you would have just waited there for them to come arrest you. You wouldn't have even fought to see me. You could have run to anyone, you passed Quinn to get to me."_

She shifted on her feet and let out a grunt before dropping her head.

_"I had to see you, I wanted you to know that I fucked up by leaving the way that I did. You told me to go to New York and I didn't listen. I thought I knew better and I was wrong."_

_"Is this an apology?"_

She raised her head up finally with tears soaking her face and nodded.

_"It's supposed to be."_

_"Well, I'd rather it wasn't. I would rather you tell me what you need me to do here. Are you turning yourself in? Was she even alive when you left? Or are you just here to clear your conscience before you run again?" _My voice was a different pitch now, it was higher and I was sounding a lot more irrational. My emotions were involved and I was feeling helpless.

What the fuck was I supposed to do?

* * *

I sat there staring at her as she tried to figure out just what her plan was when there was a knock on the door. She looked at me with big scared eyes and then slowly began to get dressed again. I was planning to ignore the door but then the knocking got louder.

_"Brittany? The cops are downstairs and they are asking for you, can you come down?"_ Santana stumbled and tried to frantically shove her arms through the holes of her shirt, she let out a whimper and I just felt a pang of sadness.

The sound of my house-mother's voice didn't really leave room for argument but I played it cool.

_"I'm going to pee first, Veronica, can you tell them to give me a minute. Please?"_ I called out, never once taking my eyes off of Santana as she continued to get dressed as quickly as possible.

_"Make it quick, we don't need that cop car sitting in front of this house for too long. Understood?"_

_"Yes, ma'am."_

Once I knew that Veronica was gone, I stood up just to the side of Santana, who was now standing against my desk looking down at her own feet. She looked even smaller than usual as she tried to make herself disappear.

There was so much that I wanted to say to her and so much that I wanted to know but I knew that if this were Jade, she would take care of Gia before anything else and so that's what I planned to do.

Despite the need to touch her, I tried my best to keep my hands shoved in the pockets of my jeans. I looked down at her shaking form and decided that maybe some encouragement was needed in order for her to see that even though this was bad, I was still on her side, just like I would always be.

_"I want you to go into my closet and find something more comfortable than this."_ I flicked the cloth of her flimsy shirt and then looked around for a jacket, she didn't have one. It was January and even though it was a nice night, it wasn't warm enough for her to be wearing summer clothes. She nodded her head but didn't look up at me, so even though I wanted to not touch her, I carefully slid my hand from my pocket and used it to lightly pull her chin up. Her brown eyes were dry but I could see the urge to cry just underneath the surface. It was killing me that I had to go deal with the cops but if that was what I needed to do to keep her safe, then I would. _"Did you hear me?"_

_"Yes, B."_ She said, eyes now linked with mine as if there was an invisible force that connected us, even after all of this time.

_"There is a shower just on the other side of that curtain over there, use it and wash yourself however many times it takes for you to feel clean. Okay?"_

_"Yes, B."_

_"Don't runaway, be here at least until I get back, please?"_ I asked in a way that she still knew, full well, that it was her choice to leave if she wanted.

She shrugged but then gave me a small smile.

_"Okay, B. I'll wait for you."_

* * *

My heart was racing as I made my way down the stairs, all of my sisters were in the common room chatting really loud about something until they saw me.

I watched as they all got silent and then stared at me like I had four heads. Carla was standing just off to the side with her bag at her feet. When our eyes met she smiled at me and made a move to come support me but I shook my head before shoving my glasses up and making my way to the study. It was were official things happened and so I knew for a fact that they would all be in there.

I slid open the double doors and kept my head down before turning around and sliding them closed again. I didn't stop to take a deep breath or do anything else that would make it seem like I was stalling or hiding something. A big part of me wanted to do the dumb blonde routine that I had perfected over the years but that wasn't how I wanted to be perceived.

Usually when I think of cops, I think of either the cops on SVU or two big chubby guys that like to eat donuts instead of arresting people.

When I turned around, it was neither of those things.

Two women, one blonde, one not, stood at the end of our long dark wood table that had our Greek letters etched into them. They were still talking to my house mother, chatting about the Boston Marathon and baseball or something which gave me time to get my face together.

I just had to remember that I was doing this for her and that meant more to me than anything in this world.

* * *

_"Okay, Ms. Pierce despite what I already know as a fact, we are going to ask you all of the same questions that we have asked all of your sisters. Would that be alright?"_ The blonde one asked me, giving me a strong fake smile.

_"We find that it's easier to do that than to put you in the position of having to snitch on someone."_ The non-blonde said without smiling, there was something about her that I trusted, maybe it was the dark hair or the way that she stared at me with just enough sympathy, she could have been Santana's sister.

I nodded and decided that I trusted non-blonde cop better.

_"Good, I'm Officer Peretti and this is Officer Arroyo, there was an assault in a city hotel that left a woman in a coma. A woman matching the description of the suspect was seen wondering campus a few hours later asking for you specifically and then the location of this sorority house. So I'm asking you, do you know anything about any of this?"_ Blonde asked with a smirk, as if she had caught me.

_"I know what you just told me."_ I responded truthfully, mentally high fiving myself for being witty.

_"Brittany, do you know anyone by the name of Rosario Cruz?"_ Non-blonde asked after shooting a look at her partner and then at me.

_"No, Officer Arroyo, I don't."_ I said, again honestly, because I really didn't know who that was._ "Should I?"_ I asked, for good measure.

There was a bang on the table, most likely meant to shake me up but I was an ex-Cheerio, scare tactics didn't work on me. Sue made sure that we were unflappable and that was coming in hand right about now.

_"Look, we know that she's in this house. Maybe you don't know her by Rosario, that's fine but someone is in the hospital because of the woman you are hiding, she's dangerous and needs to be taken into custody and if you're hiding her, which I know you are, you are going down with her!"_

I sat watching the blonde cop as she completely lost her cool, a vein bulged from her neck and her gray eyes seemed to turn blacker than that bitter coffee Santana likes so much.

After the cop had snapped at me, Officer Arroyo gave me her card and asked me to call her if I could think of anything.

* * *

That should have been it, we should have been in the clear but I had underestimated Santana. She was standing on the landing at the top of the stairs as I made my way up them. She seemed to be thinking about her next move and from the looks of it had just decided that she better head back up to my room when I heard a yell from behind me.

_"I knew it!"_

My first instinct was to throw myself in front of Santana but in that moment she was faster, where most people would have run away from the cops, she shoved me out the way and ran towards them.

_"San!"_ I said as calmly as possible hoping to get her to see reason but she just ran straight towards the two women who each had a hand on their holsters.

_"I hope it was worth it Ms. Pierce."_ The blonde cop said to me just before Santana made contact with her. She stumbled back and then San was on the move, she threw the front door open and attempted to make a run for it.

The blonde was faster.

I tried to make a lunge for her but she had her gun out and was pulling the trigger before I could get to her.

Santana crumpled to the ground just after the loud bang filled the foyer.

And then I lost it.

* * *

**_A/N: Made this extra long because I will be gone for a bit, beta says so, I hope it was okay!_**


End file.
